sorry to lay my problems on everyone. just have to get this off my chest. i've started to want to hurt myself again. I tear my toenails off until they're past the quick and bleeding, and I've started scratching at myself with a knife again. I feel so worthless and lazy and hopeless. Its like if I do it then I'm punishing myself for all the bad things I do, and maybe I'll stop being so bad. The funny thing is I'm doing ok- 5th year PhD student working on my first publication with a wedding coming up in ~5 months. just overweight and the 2nd least productive member of my lab. Just can't get over the shame of how wimpy and spineless I am. Its ok if no one responds. Telling this to the wider community might help.