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hurting myself

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by swimmergirl, Feb 19, 2010.

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  1. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    just to see if i can do it. sick of wondering.
  2. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    it's bad enough we let others hurt us

    do we really have to be our own worst enemies as well?

    don't we already have enough pain in our lives?

    dammit girl we both deserve better than this

    hang in there
  3. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    it makes the pain stop. And, nothing I can do to myself will ever be as bad as what he did to me, nothing. He should have killed me when he had the chance, he should have just done it, then I would not be in this place, this dark, horrible place.
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

  5. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i'll beat the crap out of him if it wiil help (seriously, i know people)

    don't continue to let him hurt you - you're stronger than that

    i want you to visualize for me

    picture a man - late 20's, 6', dark hair, green eyes, devastatingly handsome

    well - that's not me, just wanted you to see something nice first - i'll start again

    picture a man - early 50's, 5' 10, 165, blonde gone to gray, glasses (that's better)

    he's standing in front of you with his arms wide open waiting to offer a hug - to hold you, stroke your hair, and shield you from the pain if only for a little while - no judgement, no conditions, no strings - just acceptance and the desire to make you feel better

    that is what i want you to think about everytime you feel bad or want to hurt yourself

    i care

    we care

    hold on tight

    we won't let go
  6. ghazi

    ghazi Well-Known Member

    lots of hugs!!
    I understand the need to experiment. Just be VERY careful. It is SOOOOO easy to become addicted to it. If you let it go too far, you will fall into a downward spiral that seems to have no escape. That is the despair. Just be very careful. I am - we all are - here for you
  7. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    thanks for the responses, i am losing my fucking mind, i cut my wrist, it fucking hurt like hell, in a way it is soothing to see the pain I feel inside on the outside. weird, I know. I just want to feel better, getting desperate.

    thanks for the hugs.
  8. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    And, he, being my father, is not hurting me anymore, I just live with horrible memories that dont want to go away now, and hate myself for something he did and wasnt my fault.
  9. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    it's a bitch when the mind knows one thing and the heart another

    wish i could get you to accept in your heart what you already know - it wasn't your fault
  10. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    i know it wasnt, thats why my piece of shit father should be the one wanting to die, not me, but no, it doesnt work like that, i live with the flashbacks, the memories and all the nightmares, he doesnt.

    god, just kill me now.
  11. ghazi

    ghazi Well-Known Member

    i understand and im sorry. PLEASE try to get through the night. I know it hurts, but I truely do want to help you...and to do that, we need to talk to you more...we ALL need to talk to you...but we cannot do that if you are not here.
  12. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    couldn't have said it better myself

    for what it matters, you're in my heart
  13. theimpure

    theimpure Member

    By hurting you, do you mean physically abusive? Because we're on the same level if so. Respond to me, we can talk about it.
  14. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    yes, i am hurting myself physically, i am cutting into my wrist because right now it helps me get through the night.

    "I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. "
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