Hurting people who hurt you

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by snarrylover, Mar 16, 2012.

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  1. snarrylover

    snarrylover Well-Known Member

    I feel like a really bad person for wanting to hurt the people who have hurt me. They have put me through so much pain over recent years. I wish they were the ones suffering.

    Obviously this isn't a physical thing (I can't imagine myself throwing a punch! lol) but emotional. Lately I just want to put them down with words, let them know what I think.

    I'm keeping a members diary on this site and when I'm dead I've left instructions for it to be read by certain people. I'll be hurting them from the grave.

    Is this really so wrong? It feels wrong...but it helps me to cope.
     
  2. Descendant

    Descendant Account Closed

    It's a natural impulse to want to inflict retribution on people who have hurt you in the past, or are still hurting you. And it's completely acceptable to tell them what you think in a letter or a diary, there's nothing morally wrong in that. It's not like going on a homicidal spree or planting bombs under their cars. But what I urge you to do, instead of waiting until your dead, let them know now, or at least while you're still alive.

    But don't do it solely to inflict damage, even though it may be in the nature of the people who hurt you it's not in yours. I think you would look back on it and regret betraying your character no matter how sad or angry you were at the time. If it's someone you'd rather have in your life let them know how they hurt you in a way that doesn't completely vilify them, but invites reconciliation. If you don't want to see them again say so in your letter but don't give them any motivation to cause you more pain.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 16, 2012
  3. snarrylover

    snarrylover Well-Known Member

    I've told them how I feel. I've told them nicely in conversation and I've told them out of anger. It never seems to help. They honestly don't understand, or don't care enough to be bothered, and it's so frustrating. That is what has led me to wanting to hurt them like they hurt me. But what you just said was really nice of you. You don't even know me yet from just us both being on this site and my having said that it feels wrong to hurt them...you know it's not in my character. That made me smile. Thank you. :smile-new:
     
  4. Descendant

    Descendant Account Closed

    It's my pleasure. I also peeked at your facebook and you have a very kind face and eyes.

    It sounds to me like you've already put a lot of effort into improving your relationships with those people, who knows, maybe they just need time to come around but I think you've done all you can, and in a civil manner. It's disappointing to hear they haven't responded to you though. If that's the case maybe you should just leave it at that and focus on making new friends who are going to have a more positive influence on you, even if they're here at SF. You can count me as one.

    P.S. - I was still revising my post hehe, that'll teach me to proof read more.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 16, 2012
  5. rv498

    rv498 Well-Known Member

    This is why I carefully select whom I am gonna spend time with. At work though, you have no choice. That's why I am back to school after spending nearly 30 years in the workforce, to stay there as long as I can so I won't get bothered or hurt.
     
  6. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I feel the same way sometimes...it doesn't make you a bad person. I just want them to feel as bad as they made me feel. But I don't have the heart to do anything because I guess I'm too nice. I'd rather just see karma get at them for their bad actions.
     
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