(Just wanted a space i guess to say something, because to whom it is intended refuses to hear. i am invisible i do not exsist to them. No one hears me and i am so tired of hurting so much from it. i need a place to clear my head.)
You know, no matter how old i get, it still hurts a lot when you ignore me like you do. It hurts bad enough that the very, VERY, few people i even barely talk to (because they often don't seem interested or have no time to write back, or just don't care) don't speak to me the majority of the time, but then i have to have my own parents ignore me. i can walk up to you and say something and you just walk around me, walk through me, like i am not even there.
When did you grow to hate me so? i know you said i was an accident, i am a disappointment, i am pathetic, i am a bad influence. But, is that all the reasons why you hate me? i know, i know better than anyone else in this world, you resent me and the reasons why all related to your own childhood. Even you don't acknowledge that part of yourself, but i can. It took years before i understood it.
i was 11 when my soul got its first crack. But you, you helped it grow. You helped that tiny fracture turn into a chasm that runs so deep, i doubt it could ever heal. Not all the pills and bandages or first aid in the world could ever mend it. i tried to heal it over the years. i tried so many times. i asked for help, i begged for therapy and you denied that when i was so young, i feel it might have helped if i got it sooner. You denied it last year when i dug as low as i could go and thought of a hospital stay for once. It terrified the hell out of me. i wanted to go, you, both, faught against it. But then you took advantage of me at my most vulnerable and you did so much more damage so much that i lost myself. And now, there's always those dark little shadows that just keep chip, chip, chipping away at an already fragile soul. i am a fragmented shell of what i used to be.
It feels like dust and ash inside my chest. Let the wind blow me away, so i can feel free from this ribcage of pain.
You know, no matter how old i get, it still hurts a lot when you ignore me like you do. It hurts bad enough that the very, VERY, few people i even barely talk to (because they often don't seem interested or have no time to write back, or just don't care) don't speak to me the majority of the time, but then i have to have my own parents ignore me. i can walk up to you and say something and you just walk around me, walk through me, like i am not even there.
When did you grow to hate me so? i know you said i was an accident, i am a disappointment, i am pathetic, i am a bad influence. But, is that all the reasons why you hate me? i know, i know better than anyone else in this world, you resent me and the reasons why all related to your own childhood. Even you don't acknowledge that part of yourself, but i can. It took years before i understood it.
i was 11 when my soul got its first crack. But you, you helped it grow. You helped that tiny fracture turn into a chasm that runs so deep, i doubt it could ever heal. Not all the pills and bandages or first aid in the world could ever mend it. i tried to heal it over the years. i tried so many times. i asked for help, i begged for therapy and you denied that when i was so young, i feel it might have helped if i got it sooner. You denied it last year when i dug as low as i could go and thought of a hospital stay for once. It terrified the hell out of me. i wanted to go, you, both, faught against it. But then you took advantage of me at my most vulnerable and you did so much more damage so much that i lost myself. And now, there's always those dark little shadows that just keep chip, chip, chipping away at an already fragile soul. i am a fragmented shell of what i used to be.
It feels like dust and ash inside my chest. Let the wind blow me away, so i can feel free from this ribcage of pain.