i'll keep this brief. 3 weeks ago i lost a friend to suicide. since then i've been dealing with a lot of different emotions. he and i weren't best friends but we had shared something very intimate at one time (we recorded an album together). i've been hurting from this and it just hits me hard from time to time. i'm worried about his very close friends and family whom i'm also close with. i've been trying to be there for them and be supportive but i also have my own grief to work through. i feel guilty about the times i've tried to commit and for the many more times i've wanted to. seeing the pain he left behind makes me feel extremely selfish for even considering doing that to those that i love. earlier today i missed a call from a close friend of mine. at the time i thought "i'll call him later" and just ignored his call. a couple hours later i tried him back and didn't get him. and a couple hours after that too. a few hours later his brother (who lives in japan) sent me a facebook message asking me to check on him as he was worried. now i feel incredibly guilty for not taking his call. he still hasn't responded to me and maybe it's because of what i've been going through but i'm terrified that maybe he killed himself too. he has a history of depression and we've actually talked about suicide a lot in the course of our friendship. his dad died that way. now i'm just worried and feeling incredibly guilty. i just don't know if i could handle losing another friend right now.