hurting

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by TJ, Feb 4, 2012.

  1. TJ

    TJ Staff Alumni

    sometimes there's just nothing anyone can say do or whatever to make u feel better , Ive got to a point in my life where i HAVE to make some changes firstly i need to get physically well , then i have to get mentally well and then i can go get my op but to do all this seems impossible i mean right now i live in the middle of what looks like the aftermath of a war zone ... some ppl are living without so much that comes normally to western society i mean heres a link to what im living in :

    http://www.stuff.co.nz/the-press/news/christchurch-earthquake-2011/6365644/Adrift-in-limbo-land

    people take so much for granted and people think that everything's just roses and all that . well its fucken not im sick to death of ppl saying hang in there it will get better ... WHEN ????????? i ask when the fuck will it get better ??????????

    i cant wait to get out of this fucked up city and live a somewhat normal life again but that's only the start i still have to get my health better and my mental health under control so that i can go ahead and become the person i was meant to be. im so sick and tired of being sick and tired and im so sick to death of ppl thinking that things just get better over night.

    heres some facts

    1) my heart is broken in many pieces and i cant find the map to put it all back together in the right place ,
    2) my city is FUCKED we keep having earthquakes were past the 10,000 one now in less than 18 months
    3) im transgender and im struggling to find acceptance with people and even with myself
    4) im fucken over being told to hang on cos it all gets better , im 26 and Ive suffered with depression and numerous other mental health issues for over half my life.
    5) my self harm is beyond what i ever dream t it would become
    6) im a low down junkie who is recovering

    does all this make me a bad person ??? well if it does FUCK YOU im doing my best to live a life that's been so hard and im trying to find myself in a world that's so UN-accepting .

    i don't care what u think of me from this post it doesn't worry me in the sightless now cos i am who i am and either you'll get over that fact or you'll leave me the hell alone but one thing DONT tell me it will get better cos i don't even know if that statement carries any worth

    im so angry im so scared and im hurting so fucken much , when does the hurting end ?????
     
  2. Ophelia1600

    Ophelia1600 Active Member

    I've been asking myself that question for over 30 years and I still don't have an answer. Therapists have always told me it gets better when you make it get better. How can I make anything better when I feel this way? I won't tell you to "hang on" because after 40 years on this planet I still don't see any happiness. Some lives aren't meant to be lived and I support anyone who can make that ultimate choice. The only thing I can tell you is that life is a choice. You can choose to live it miserably, you can choose to make it better, or you can choose to not live.

    I have kept going this long by remembering when I hit bottom I can kill myself. I don't worry about my life sucking because I always have a way out when I want it.
     
  3. TJ

    TJ Staff Alumni

    im so angry and so confused ... i mean if there was a dog (g#d) then why the hell is there so much suffering in this world ... it says in the bible that he loves us rah rah BULLSHIT if he loved us then why the fuck do ppl die the way they do ?

    my best friend tried to commit suicide the other night and almost succeed , Ive known her for over 8 years now and yano what her suffering is at the point im just like let her die , please just let her die its for the best . yes it will hurt me yes it will effect me but for her sake she would be better off that way cos over here she cant get ANY help from mental health.

    the 1 year anniversary is coming up really soon less than 20 days to go its the 5th today and its on the 22nd and i don't know how i will deal with it !! im scared that i will literally fall into the pieces that im breaking into .

    so fucken over this