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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by invisible1, Mar 5, 2012.

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  1. invisible1

    invisible1 Member

    I'm hurting so much. I don't know how to cope.
    I can't stop thinking about my own suicide.
    Please, help me hanging on.
  2. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    What are you thinking invisible1, what are you struggling to cope with?
  3. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    What has caused this hun? Maybe it might help to get it all off your chest :hug: xx
  4. invisible1

    invisible1 Member

    Thank you for answering me.

    I'm struggling to cope with life.

    I am so deeply alone. it hurts so much.

    Why can't i have a normal life? or just a life?

    I am invisible.
  5. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Can you reach out to someone, at work or school maybe? A family member?
    If not, talk on here, you can talk to me, or post on the more light-hearted areas of the board.

    But please keep posting, chatting, talking helps.
  6. invisible1

    invisible1 Member

    Windlepoons thank you for answering. I don't trust anybody at work and talking about how I feel with my family only makes it worse.
    Except for my therapist and psychiatrist I have no one to talk with.
    And to be honest, I'm not sure talking helps. I have no idea of what could help me.
    I feel so beyong help and hope.
  7. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Sorry that your family is not supportive.
    The talking is a means, to explore your thoughts and feelings. To try to get to the root of your bad thoughts.

    When do you think your problems started?
  8. Tough times

    Tough times Member

    I'm so sorry you are hurting.

    I'm very glad you are letting it out.

    The black and white of typing is a little tough, so please don't be patronized by me.

    You do know there's a difference between wanting to get away from the pain and wanting to die, right? It helps to sort it out a bit. Is it that you want the pain to stop? Or do you really want to die?

    There's a difference between thoughts of suicide and planning your suicide.

    Thinking you want to die and how much easier that would be rather than pushing through more pain is not so unusual. It can be a scary place to go to... but it's human. Try not to let thoughts of suicide convince you that you are going to kill yourself.

    That you feel this over-whelmed means you are a loving caring person who has reached a limit of hurting. It means you care. You care about you and life and the people you love. It means you are taking your burdens onto yourself, more than you can handle. It's like a juggler with a few too many plates in the air. If you drop one plate, you tend to drop other plates too.

    And in a world of bigger, better, faster we train ourselves to think we are supposed to be master plate-jugglers all the time and the more plates the better.

    When we get to the point of feeling like there is no one to turn to, it's usually because we are afraid to expose ourselves to more pain. We are afraid to reach out because we are so stuck in our feeling of being alone that we are afraid to reach out and maybe feel like no one is listening.

    But look what's happened right here and right now. You reached out into the universe and a woman a half a world away heard you and is responding with love and caring - for you!

    You are not alone. I know exactly how you feel. I've been there.

    And in terms of hanging on, you just made a change... for the better.

    Remember, you are caught up in thinking errors right now. A lot of your thinking is negative about yourself. But the reality is you are not your thoughts. Your thoughts are allowing you to pull a shell in and around you like a coat of armor. It's a kind defense mechanism that actually doesn't work that well. You end up stuck in a little bubble of negative thinking.

    You are not your thoughts.

    Some of this thinking allows you to make decisions for other people - such as that they won't help you if you reach out. If you don't give people a chance, then you are 100 percent right, they won't help you. You have to let people decide for themselves what they will do for you. It's true, you shouldn't go to a fast food joint and expect a fillet mignon steak, so not every person you want to help you will be able to, but you have to be open to letting people in. When you do that, the universe will send the right ones to you.

    It takes effort. Change and feeling helped has to come from within you. You can be lead to water, but you have to do the drinking. No one can tap your forehead with a magic wand and you are well again. You have to push yourself. And when you do, small steps at a time, you will start to see the light again. That shell will start to crack open and this is where the healing comes. The healing comes because you did for yourself what no one else can. It builds your strength and your character again. And those negative thoughts start to be just what they are.... just thoughts that are not you.

    I hope this helps.
  9. invisible1

    invisible1 Member

    Windlepoons and Tough times, thank you for your support.
    I've been writing down my thoughts, feeling, story... and incredibly I've stopped hurting. Now I am numb and feel empty, as if I were not myself, but I prefer this to hurting as much as I did in the past days. Now I guess I'll stay quiet for a while because I feel that talking triggered me too much.
    Anyway, thank you for your support, I appreciate it very much.
    Best wishes
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You're not invisible here. WE CARE. That's a fact hun. Why not come into the chat room, it might help you feel less alone? It's also a goos place for support or just general chit chat.
  11. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Glad to hear you are feeling a bit better. Keep talking to us invisible1, even if its just chatting about stuff. It does help. PM if you want.
  12. invisible1

    invisible1 Member

    My feelings are back... and I can't stop thinking about all the failures, all the disappointments, all the things I am ashamed of, all the unresolved issues and all the ends of the relationships that meant something to me and how they ended. And it all hurts, so much. And I get obsessed with them all, and I feel there is no peace in this life and can't help thinking that only death would give me some relief. How do I stop the memories and the obsessive thinking about them?
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