it hurts to breathe.... i dont want to continue breathing... wish my heart would just stop so i can be done with this joke of an existence. i wont do it myself, im a coward, and i'd hurt my few remaining family members. they've had enough trauma. ill plaster on fake smiles and continue telling them im all right. meanwhile im already dead inside just waiting for the body to follow, which i pray is soon. cant take the pain.