hurts..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Animosity, Dec 30, 2009.

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  1. Animosity

    Animosity Forum & Chat Buddy

    I never..ever..wanted to have to post here.. ever..I never dreamed I'd have to..not this bad, at least..
    I dunno what to do. I dunno to say. I feel..lost..like a puppy dog separated from it's mom. I don't wanna go on. I don't wanna end everything, but I don't wanna..and can't go on this way..it all hurts so bad..
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: What's wrong?
     
  3. Animosity

    Animosity Forum & Chat Buddy

    My best friend in the world has lied to me four times this week. She's the only reason i've made it thus far. and I can't be friends with someone that lies.. I'm sick and tired of ALL my friends betraying me.. I'm tired of waking up every morning knowing i have something exciting to do and then them deciding I wasn't good enough. or they'd rather sit there alone crying than let me comfort them. As for my best friend, I now know where I stand on her list, even an empty apartment room is better than me, I mean nothing to her. i don't matter. to anyone.
     
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You DO matter!! :hug: I know how you feel though. About a year ago I found out that the person I THOUGHT was my best friend, turned out to be nothing but a fake. It hurts.
     
  5. Animosity

    Animosity Forum & Chat Buddy

    how do you figure i matter? Can I honestly mean that much? How can I if someone would prefer an empty apartment room, to having my company, if only for 15 minutes? I've helped her through hell and back. and shes done the same for me. but this is how I get treated in return? I can't honestly mean that much if someone thinks that.
     
  6. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    what exactly happened?
     
  7. Animosity

    Animosity Forum & Chat Buddy

    my best friend has now lied to me, twice in one day, and 4 times in total. Just since monday. It's really a stupidly complicated situation..but trust, is a super big issue for me. she hold my life story in her hands, and is the only person that knows the whole thing. She's friends with my mother, (she's 29, I'm 16) and im afraid one wrong move on my part, she'll blow everything off to my mother. but it's like..she told me to text her later to hang out, three days now. I have, she's had "company" five minutes later the guy standing next to me said she was by herself and wanted company...but..idk...like i said..super complicated. it was stupid of me to even actually post. I just don't wanna go on. I hate everything, and everyone and everything hates me. it doesnt matter. just like me.
     
  8. confuzzle

    confuzzle Well-Known Member

    I know how much it can hurt when someone lies to you. I've felt it from a sister, family, girlfriend, and it doesn't ever get easier.

    But just know that you DO MATTER. You matter to people you've met, who you know now, and who you haven't even had the chance to meet yet. If you were to tell me a year ago that I was going to be suicidal, and have very powerful, very close relationships with people from a suicide forum, well it seems so preposterous!

    But I tell you it has happened, and I'm living proof of it.
    You'll get through this, and we are here for you if you need us. Lean on us when times get tough. You matter in ways you cannot even possibly imagine.
     
  9. tiggersafire

    tiggersafire Well-Known Member

    You matter and I love you. And you promised me. If you don't want to end everything then don't. Call a crisis line. Do I need to call you? I don't know what else to do for you. I wish you felt better.
     
  10. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    You should have texted me....
     
  11. fweeps

    fweeps Staff Alumni

    You know I love you and im very concerned for you right now..YOU matter to me and have been there for me numerous times. I will call you tomorrow and ill keep on calling till you anwser. Im house sitting tonight, but know Im here for you hun..no matter what. Love you...m
     
  12. Animosity

    Animosity Forum & Chat Buddy

    thanks everyone.. I know..I shoulda texted a lot of people..I shoulda said something to someone..but I didn't care what happened to me at that point..and kinda...still dont. I just wish..I would die.

    And Maria, I probably won't answer...I'm working alot today. then i've got a party to go to..
     
  13. Animosity

    Animosity Forum & Chat Buddy

    Things worked out with the friend. it's all okay now.. but for some reason, im still really low, and really really hurting. Couldn't stay at my house. Had to get out. Was away for new years eve, all day today, tomorrow, and won't be home again on sunday at 9:30, if everything goes as planned. It's for the best...I really need out.. well, what I really need is to die.. but I'm not going to let that happen, if all in my power.
     
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