hey everyone, maybe I shouldn't have started a new thread as I'm not sure what I want to write about so please stop reading if you don't want to read a rambling post. I've been depressed for what seems to be a long time to me. I'm 22 and dealt on and off with suicide since I was 14. But I was a happy child and loved life until high school. I was emotionally traumatized for 4 years through severe bullying and I don't think I've ever recovered from it. I still feel and felt like I had no control...that people never even tried to get to know me. But I was that girl who was ridiculed for trying to be nice, socially awkward. I had therapy for a bit but it hasn't helped. I basically believe I'm disgusting...like not even human. And its so hard to fight the thoughts and the feelings and the urges of not feeling like a person. I know that doesn't really make sense logically. But I constantly feel dirty, inferior. And I think I'm paranoid...I constantly think people are laughing at me (some have for sure). Its frustrating because I don't know why I care so much. I just feel so broken....like pieces of me will never be whole again. It'd be so easy to end it after years of fighting these thoughts. Thanks for listening.