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Hypersexuality caused by abus

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by tendenCs_89, Nov 7, 2009.

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  1. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    Hey, first of all I want to apologise if this triggers or offends in any way, its not meant to.

    I've never been sexually abused, I can't imaine what it must be like, but I have been out with two girls and known several others who have been abused or raped, many of them at a young age. Out of those girls and women a lot of them seem "hyper sexual", like the are pretty promiscuous and have a huge sexual appetite. One girl I knew for example actually found abusive elements of sex, like being dominated and hurt slightly a turn-on (!)

    For someone who doesnt know much about abuse and its psychological effects I would have thought that rape and abuse would do the opposite - make the victim fear sex and become very un-sexual. I know this is the case with many victims, that they have flashbacks during sex and get very scared.

    I just wanted to know why, psychologically you think abuse and rape causes hypersexuality in some victims, like is it a coping mechanism? or has the body adapted to a new sexual way?
    Please let me know what your thoughts are
    Thanks :)
  2. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    yeah. it can be about taking control. or reenacting abuse to gain again, some element of control.

    after a person is abused...some people can dissociate to survive what their body went through... they can go manic. that can account for being hypersexual. although they might seem 'hypersexual,' they might be (this is only from my experience) desperately trying to ground themselves somehow by touch? and/or, they could be acting in dissociatively and renacting- just like an eating disorder or addiction or whatever, like a flashback. they might do things in a haze/trance.

    it can all vary from person to person.
  3. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    Another take on it would be -

    Get them before they get me....
    Control...If I've already been used, then why not use someone else for my enjoyment...thus, the aggresive, hyper nature

    Sometimes also, when someone is used as a small child - then they don't understand that their body can respond even if they don't want it to...
    They then make the wrong connections between abusive happenings and sexual enjoyment - which is one reason someone might "enjoy" something abusive when they come from an abusive background - sort of like having crossed wires - like ggg4567 said, a re-enactment ....
  4. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the feedback, that makes sense, one girl i knew had this thing about taking boys virginities, maybe cos hers was taken by rape so its a control thing for her perhaps....
  5. Songie

    Songie Well-Known Member

    well some victims of sexual abuse turn to sex because its a way to try to cover up the memories of the abuse and for some its so that they can feel like they have some control over their sex lives. And, yes, some people also do the opposite and cant stand sex. Some do a mixture of both. for example, i know someone that was raped and cant stand to be touched...in any way. Okay, so that girl is me. But I also turned into a sex addict. its very confusing and very hard to explain. But its like i dont want to be touched because it causes flashbacks but the actual act of sex itself is a way of freeing me from that fear.
  6. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    Thanks Songie, I'm starting to get it a bit better, even though it is hard to get my head round, but I guess thats because this is some deep psychological stuff.

    If I'm in a relationship with someone who has been a rape/abuse victim and is hypersexual, is it ok to just give them what they want or should I try and stop them being so dependent on sex do you think? At first I didnt think anything of it and just rolled with it, but I have thought maybe this is pretty unhealthy and I should back off a bit?
  7. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    try and encourage her to talk.
  8. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    some become hyper sexual because they've got mix understanding about love...some think that the only way to love is through sex( since some of them were abused by their parents) the only kind of love or affection they got was through sex so...they grow up understanding that to get loved they must be sexual....

    I have a friend who was raped and stabbed by her step father...she's very promiscuous when she's drunk...and very needy of love....unconsciously she thinks that by having sex with a man its how you keep a man...and that its normal to have sex with guys on the first date and stuff...she knows this and is trying to work things out with a therapist...
  9. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I just read this, I think that talking is a great tool to figure out what is going on...also maybe create days where all you do is affection, kisses, hugs, petting but no sex....that could re-establish that she doesnt have to go all the way...but I think you need to voice your concerns to her...together you should be able to find the right way to ameliorate your relationship...A relationship grows and changes with time...there's no real perfect way but just do it your way...
  10. Kakihara-Gumi

    Kakihara-Gumi Well-Known Member

    That's absolutely horrible on both accounts. :/
  11. mike25

    mike25 Well-Known Member

    Abuse starts with abuse of the mind, and victims often become perpetrators of the same offence. Metaphorically, society is highly sexually abusive, it's one big f*ck fest where a minority repeatedly rape, brutalize and sodomize everyone else to their hearts content. That's why they call it a C*NTry. Only psychopaths or perverts can succeed in such a system. Hypersexuality is dysfunctional behavior.
  12. Eric

    Eric Well-Known Member

    All of the statements here seem valid.

    There's one that I've always thought about. Victims of rape or abuse may be hypersexual to give sex less significance and make their experiences seem more normal, if that makes sense.
  13. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Being a victim of rape or mental abuse does not mean that person has a higher possibility of raping another person. There's a whole array of psychiatric disorders that are linked to trauma or family dysfunction- psychopathy/sociopathy and narcissism are only a few of those.

    To be fair, I think that is a pretty dangerous statement to make when there are a lot of people here suffering from consuming guilt, shame and anger at their bodies and what has been done to them and are in cycles of self destruction because of that. How is a woman which the OP described, being turned on by pain, in any way an offense?

    I agree, the culture we live in is sexually abusive. Sex together with violence is pretty much normal. I disagree that the minority does such harm. I think the invasion of personal boundaries whether it be bodily, psychologically, emotionally, mentally is pervasive in many areas of culture/media and can be covert and insiduous.

    Why put sodomy in the same context as rape and brutality? That follows the same logic as saying homosexuality is the same as paedophilia. Why refer to a vagina in the way you have done in such a sensitive area as the Rape and Abuse forum? I personally have never heard any country with a female population being referred to in that way, or that because of the 'minority' you mention, everyone are "c*nts," so I'm not sure who the 'they' is that you refer to. Maybe you refer to yourself.

    No, many people who aren't diagnosed 'psychopaths' and perverts can succeed in fucking people up. I've met them. They generally are people who have very little insight into themselves and are not interested in doing any such thing, and are shocked and deny the harm they cause when bought to their attention.

    What is normal sexual behaviour? Especially, normal sexual behaviour of a woman, especially a woman who has been abused? It seems that any sexual behaviour of a woman who's been sexually abused is going to be deemed 'dysfunctional,' whether they enjoy sex for whatever reason, masochistic or not, or they avoid it. This prevents any understanding of her as a complex individual going through a very personal process, whether it be a flashback or dissociation, or a type of defense.

    Is so called 'hypersexuality' more dysfunctional than fear of sex, fear of her/his body, hiding away, shame, avoidance? Or is that functional behaviour? To hide and cry and not draw attention to oneself? Some people might expect women who have been raped to act this way- it makes everyone's life easier as it brushes everything under the carpet. All this can be relevent to men who have been raped too.
  14. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    Very well said and thank you
  15. tendenCs_89

    tendenCs_89 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for all the responses, with the exception of mike25 i agree with most of whats been said, and Ill try to take on board the advice

    I guess its never going to be possible to say exactly why hypersexuality happens, but youve helped me figure this out thanks :)
  16. Landlocked blues

    Landlocked blues Well-Known Member

    I dont know why victims of rape/abuse think like that. I guess all the answers here seem quite valid but im one of those people. id love to know why i think like that but i dont. I was raped at 8 years old and 'properly' lost my virginity at 14 to a guy that liked to dominate. It was scary for me after what happened but i realised i liked it. Now one of my biggest fantasies is being raped !!!! Im a fucking freak i guess. :sad:
  17. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    You aren't necessarily a freak, landlocked. There are many people that have a 'rape fetish' if you wanna call it that.

    If you enjoyed what happened with the 14 year old then maybe you just like sexually dominant men? But I can't really overly comment because you may be still suffering from berin abused at 8.

    I'm sorry, :hug:.
  18. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    No it's very common, it's called reenactment from being traumatised. If you're interested there's a great book called Trauma and Recovery by Judith Hermann that might make you feel less alone and put your feelings into context. You're no way a freak :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 9, 2010
  19. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I'm sorry to hear that you were raped at such a young age. But you're definitely not a freak for having a 'rape fetish.' Some people just like rougher sex I guess. To each his own as long as both people consent. :hug:
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