Hypocrite!! POSSIBLY TRIG.....

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by derbygirl, Jun 9, 2008.

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  1. derbygirl

    derbygirl Chat and Forum Buddy

    I feel like the biggest fucking hypocrite. Here I am telling people that self harm is not a healthy form of coping, and I go and cut up my god damn arm! All afternoon and night, the voices have been at me, the crawling vermin outside and inside my skin have not relented. The sight on the blood flowing down my arm was comforting (as though the vermin were being bled away), and made the crawling cease a little. I feel like a fucking failure, I'm unemployed and am unemployable, Ive been accepted into university but had to defer due to my mental illness. The voices are now telling me that Im "fucking weak' and should hurl myself over the cliff nearby my home, that they now in power as i listened to them and how dare i try to get rid of them by taking my antipsychotics, and among other things. I havent cut myself (until now) for over two years.

    Im telling people that there is reason for living, but cant seem to convince myself any more. Im alot better than i was a month ago (i was hospitalised), but I feel as though Im slipping. I cant even be honest with my psych and pdoc when they ask how everything is going.
    I know i need to be honest with them in order for them to help me.
    Right now, the pathetic soul that I am is getting drunk, hoping to drown the voices, paranoia and crawling.
  2. 2cents

    2cents Well-Known Member

    hi there Felix,
    we are mostly like that, suggesting others the right thing while we ourselves don't seem to follow it. its kind of paradoxical since you can't really tell others to go fuck themselves though you really mean it. you are not hypocrite :smile:
  3. BioHomocide

    BioHomocide Well-Known Member

    Don't be so hard on yourself.

    Everyone is a hypocrite... even I am guilty.
    I tell people to try harder and to never give up when I really want to say the world will just fuck you more... I want to tell them it's ok to give up and give in.

    There is nothing wrong with being weak.
    Do what you want... say what you want.
  4. derbygirl

    derbygirl Chat and Forum Buddy

    I guess you guys are right. We're all only human, I dunno, I genuinely want to tell people that you can get through it all (ive done it before myself) but as we all know, we all fuck up and end up with a festering heap again. Just need to vent..should've put this post in "let it all out".

    Anyway, thanks for listening
  5. frankie626

    frankie626 Active Member

    I was thinking the same exact thing last night.. i guess we're all selfish in a sense that we all feel like shit and knowing that other people feel like shit too makes us feel a little better... Ooops I think I'm wondering off the topic. I hope you feel better Felix.
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