Hi! I´ve already introduced myself. Nevertheless, I´m fpl and I´m 30. First of all, let me say that the reason I´ll state here for my suicidal thoughts may be far less complicated than other reasons of the most of the members here. But quoting Jess: "Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you." I also want to add that I´m a guy with low self-esteam. I care a lot about physical aspects, beauty, height (mainly this) and social acceptance. I think I´m an obssessive compulsive. Women feedback is of great importance to me. Until today I had a very positive feedback regarding women and sometimes I think that in fact I am an insteresting man, but I wish I was taller (I´m 5´6"). Compliments from women make me feel the greatest, but the oposite makes my feal real, real down. I´m always comparing me with other man. My reason is related to love crush. Here´s the story: - I had a one year relationship with a woman that I still love, and that is a colegue of mine at my work. She was crazy for me. We had problems and I broke up, because I was sick of some of her behaviours. However, I soon realized that I wanted her back very much and 3 weeks later I told her I wanted to get back to her. During those 3 weeks she got very close to a guy that is our coleague also. Nevertheless, she accepted me back. I did everything I could do for her, but she never was the same, in spite of saying that loved me very much and that I was the man she wanted to stay for life. She said she loved me very much, talked about mariage, kids, etc, but was never the same. I did everything I could have done to stay with her, after she accepted me. Believe me! So, for one month she was with me and told me she would talk to that guy that was very interested in her that she loved me and that she didn´t want him. During this time she lunched with him, had walks with him and called him often. I was always expecting for her to tell me "I told him I love you and I only want you! Let us make our life together.". After all she was just choosing between me and him. So, one month after accepting me back, she broke up with me very harshly. She was very incorrect with me by doing all this. I keep thinking that she is not the same person I knew when she was with me... They are together and I have tho see her every day, and worse of all, I have to see them both. I still love her and she knows it. This is tearing me apart! I´m completly obsessed with this situation, I can´t keep thinking about what they might be doing, I think that he is better than me in everything, etc. I feel I´m a looser! I feel I´m an idiot! I feel guilty, even knowing that she was not correct with me after accepting me back. I blame myself for everything. Sometimes I simply want to die. My last 3 months have been like hell. I often dream with this! It is real, real painfull. I guess I did not deserved what she did to me. Even having broken up first, I always respected her. I´m very diferent because of this. I keep way from most of my friends, at night at stay at home, my family is worried about me. I´m seeing a psychiatrist and I´m taking medication for this situation. I often think about dying. Many times when I´m at bed, at night, I wish not to wake up in the next morning. I think how to kill myself, but at the same time I think "It´s not fair to my parents to have a son who killed himself. It´s not fair for my brother. It´s not fair to my friends. And, also, it´s not fair for her to know that I commited suicide." So, I keep thinking about ways to die that don´t seem that I commited suicide. I wish that a truck comes toward my car while I´m during a trip, I wish to be robbed my criminal and to be killed by them, anything that doesn´t seem like a suicide, just for people not to think I suicide myself. But I also think that my family, friends and her don´t deserve my death. I have a great family, very good friends, I have a job, but still, this situation is a lot too painfull to deal with. Thanks for reading. I would like to tell me want you think, please.