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I’m begging for just one sign to show me someone out there really cares.

#1
Another night and I’m feeling the emptiness of just another day in this hell I call my life. I post on another site and speak out but no one hears.The ones who do respond usually leave in a few days and I don’t blame them because I am just another lost soul and I don’t belong here. People have their own problems and don’t want some fuckin loser discussing his feelings and listen to him talk about the fact he spends every waking moment wishing he was dead and even though he doesn’t believe in god he prays every night for some higher being to let this end. Not many people understand what its like to live trapped in your own mind with your demons screaming on repeat.

His mind is a trap yet he continues to fall for it and slowly starts to fade as his life falls apart. The replies of the distant few leave him scattered and confused not knowing what to believe or whats real and wishing he could go back and rewind to a time where he could remember how to feel. When asked he says everything is fine yet hopes for just one person to read between the lines. He’s broken beat and down screams for help yet the rest of the world wont make a sound so when he falls asleep he longs for the sweet release he yearns for the peace he prays to end up where the dead dwell but awakens again to this living hell.
 

Rasmus

Well-Known Member
#2
Do you also hear voices in your head? I get what you mean, they are real suffering and never shut up. I'm sorry to hear that you have to deal with that. How are you now?
 

Thauoy

Well-Known Member
#4
I understand and really cares . But my own life is hell like yours. So I can only share some sympathetic gesture with you. Other than this, I can't do anything worthwhile for you from over here since we live in two different corners of the world. I am sending my prayers for you. A big hugs to you.
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#5
I post on another site and speak out but no one hears
We hear you now.
I am just another lost soul and I don’t belong here
This is a place specifically for what you call lost souls in need of understanding, acceptance, comfort, and peace. We are all around you and with you.
and even though he doesn’t believe in god he prays every night for some higher being to let this end. Not many people understand what its like to live trapped in your own mind with your demons screaming on repeat
I think many more than you realize feel trapped in their own minds and, just like you, are desperate to be free from the pain, fear, and despair of the hell it creates. like you, they wear a mask, hiding their real feelings, all the time longing for someone to see through the mask, to understand and to care about their suffering. You need to feel connected, that you belong to something bigger than yourself, but by hiding your real feelings, you are isolating yourself. I think the pain of feeling alone is the worst, but even though you don't really see it yet, there is still love and compassion in the midst of it all, in you and in others who feel or have felt the same kind of pain, loneliness and hopelessness as you. You have taken the first step out of the prison by reaching out here. Stay here a while longer and keep talking, keep reaching out, and you will see that even among the "lost" there is empathy and compassion Love is real, and is the higher power you pray to for release. Believe in it.
 
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#6
Sorry that you're going through this. It sounds awful.

Do you want to say what kind of support would help the most? Are there things that you've tried to do to make things better than haven't worked out?

I hope things can get better somehow.
 

Dante

In the SF doghouse with Burt
SF Pro
SF Supporter
#7
I imagine people leave on these sites not because they get bored or dont care, but because these sites are full of people suffering, and those who are keeping their heads above water well enough to help can only help so much. Its probably isnt that you are not cared for, its just that so many people are in pain, it sucks but there it is.

For now, stay strong *sadhug Im sorry I dont have anything more encouraging to say.
 

BarryW

SF Supporter
#10
spends every waking moment wishing he was dead and even though he doesn’t believe in god he prays every night for some higher being to let this end.
hi isitoveryet, would you like to tell us more about why you feel the way you feel? I have felt similar to this for most of the last year but I know there are many reasons you might feel this way, and I don't want to assume the reason.

Maybe it is just your writing style on the forum, but your post had a poetic vibe to it, so I am curious whether you do any creative writing in your free time?
 
#14
Sorry that you're going through this. It sounds awful.

Do you want to say what kind of support would help the most? Are there things that you've tried to do to make things better than haven't worked out?

I hope things can get better somehow.
I honestly don’t know... I was in a group therapy years ago but it was more for people in crisis. Not sure maybe I need to go back. Thank you

hi isitoveryet, would you like to tell us more about why you feel the way you feel? I have felt similar to this for most of the last year but I know there are many reasons you might feel this way, and I don't want to assume the reason.

Maybe it is just your writing style on the forum, but your post had a poetic vibe to it, so I am curious whether you do any creative writing in your free time?
Well since around 16 is when I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression which I was getting therapy for but it was for children so ended at 18. Pretty much right after that is when I met the woman I was with for 8 years, after that ended I had a really rough time and made multiple attempts then finally was put into a group therapy for 8 weeks which did get me through and I stopped trying to SH and whatnot. Unfortunately I never got the help I needed for anxiety which is so bad I can’t even force myself to get outside the house. So I have been depressed since obviously but it has progressively gotten worse. It sounds stupid and pathetic but I am very lonely and I think that has contributed to my issues. No friends and definitely no Significant other which seems impossible anyway because of my anxiety. Sorry for the long reply.

Oh and no I do not do anything like that haha I just post on another site and write what I feel at the time but thank you
 
#15
We hear you now.
This is a place specifically for what you call lost souls in need of understanding, acceptance, comfort, and peace. We are all around you and with you.
I think many more than you realize feel trapped in their own minds and, just like you, are desperate to be free from the pain, fear, and despair of the hell it creates. like you, they wear a mask, hiding their real feelings, all the time longing for someone to see through the mask, to understand and to care about their suffering. You need to feel connected, that you belong to something bigger than yourself, but by hiding your real feelings, you are isolating yourself. I think the pain of feeling alone is the worst, but even though you don't really see it yet, there is still love and compassion in the midst of it all, in you and in others who feel or have felt the same kind of pain, loneliness and hopelessness as you. You have taken the first step out of the prison by reaching out here. Stay here a while longer and keep talking, keep reaching out, and you will see that even among the "lost" there is empathy and compassion Love is real, and is the higher power you pray to for release. Believe in it.
Thank you for the kind words. I was actually here years ago and found a lot of nice helpful people. I guess since therapy and other things I’ve just been on autopilot pretty much disconnected from my reality. Hoping I can make some friends here now
 
#16
Do you also hear voices in your head? I get what you mean, they are real suffering and never shut up. I'm sorry to hear that you have to deal with that. How are you now?
I try to listen to music a lot or talk to a couple people on discord but as soon as that stops they are back and impossible to turn off. Hell sometimes music and talking don’t even help. Honestly not good I hate it
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#17
Loneliness is a very painful feeling @Isitoveryet and its good you're sharing your thoughts and feelings with us here. You're not in the least stupid or pathetic and nobody here thinks that I'm sure. Can you remember what started the depression you had at 16?
 
#18
Thank you for saying that. I’m not sure I guess maybe just that I was bullied everyday by 3 people starting in grade 6. I ended up switching schools just before grade 9 but I don’t really know if that’s it. I was always a shy kid and but had a close group of friends when I was young. I guess somewhere along the line something just broke in me and I don’t know how to fix it.
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#19
Bullying as a child can have bad effects long into adulthood. Abuse in the past makes it hard to trust other people enough to make close connections where you feel happy and accepted. It can also make victims feel there's some flaw in them that caused the abuse and rejection. But the flaw is in abusers, the bullies, not the victims, and there are people who would never want to bully or harm you and who would be glad to know you. I hope reaching out to and sharing your experience with others here who understand the damage abuse does, usually from their own experiences, is the start of your recovery /healing
 

Rasmus

Well-Known Member
#20
I try to listen to music a lot or talk to a couple people on discord but as soon as that stops they are back and impossible to turn off. Hell sometimes music and talking don’t even help. Honestly not good I hate it
That's good, you have some great coping strategies. I would love to give you more tricks on how to shut them down, but I really can't keep them at bay. Sorry about that.

Anyways. Despite everything, I hope they don't bother you too much today.
 

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