I feel the same way. I wish I didn't but I do. I am sorry your going through this. I am at a point that I just have no more to give or to try and understand what is it GOD intended for me and there is no GOD for me apparently as I plan to <mod edit timeline > after fighting it for so many years. I always knew I would die like this.
I am sorry you feel that way and that you are going through this. I am especially sorry that you suffer from abuse. That is horrible and no one should have to suffer abuse of any kind.
I've read another of your posts. Please don't give up. I understand the loneliness and rejection. Fortunately my abuse ended years ago when I disassociated from my family. You can and will find happiness. It takes time, and sometimes when you find it or think you have, something happens and it is gone again. But keep trying. You are worth it. You deserve happiness and you can find it.
Hi. Welcome to the forums @Kitten12. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad at the moment. A lot of us here have been where you are right now, but you won't feel like this forever and you can get to a point where your life is worth living.
Have you ever in sought treatment for the way you are feeling? There are options like therapy or medication that might be able to help you feel better. In the meantime, you can continue to share on these forums, where you can always find any support or advice you need.
I hope you can feel a bit better soon. Stay safe. Sending hugs .