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I’m scared

#1
TW!!! I’m scared of myself. These past 4 weeks have killed my mental state. I have a history of SH and I’m scared that I’ll start c*tting again. My class just went to eat without me, and if I try to go with them I look like a litteral dog running after them, and them ignoring every single I say.
This is my second day of not eating lunch. I’m scared to go bc the other kids will pick on me for sitting alone.
This forum is starting to feel like something that I update every single day. Sorry.
I just like this place, it’s like diary to me.

Fuck it, I’m going, and I’ll eat alone.
 

Angie74

Well-Known Member
#2
Hey there! I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't want to suggest anything dumb, but do you have any trusted adults in your life you could talk to? Parents, teachers, guidance counselor??

I'm glad you did decide to eat something. Keeping up your health is important. I'm probably much older than you, but if you ever need a supportive ear, please feel free to PM me. Especially if you have the urge to SH!

We have many lovely, helpful members here, and I'm pretty darn sure a lot of us here would like to support you if you let us.

Please keep reaching out, and know that people care!
 
#4
Hey there! I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't want to suggest anything dumb, but do you have any trusted adults in your life you could talk to? Parents, teachers, guidance counselor??

I'm glad you did decide to eat something. Keeping up your health is important. I'm probably much older than you, but if you ever need a supportive ear, please feel free to PM me. Especially if you have the urge to SH!

We have many lovely, helpful members here, and I'm pretty darn sure a lot of us here would like to support you if you let us.

Please keep reaching out, and know that people care!
Thank you! I sure will keep reaching out as often as I can, this app is like therapy and I kind of don’t feel alone in all this❤️ thank you so much
 
#5
Also, I can’t talk to anyone. My parents don’t care and they don’t want to hear any of this. The teachers already look pretty stressed, I don’t want to burden them with my problems. I’am 16. How old are you? (You don’t have to answer that!!)
 

MosesY

Functioning Alcoholic
#6
I can identify with the part where you get picked on. I am 53 years old now and people don't normally pick on me any more. I still remember those days though. Children are the meanest bastards in the world. There was a pecking order and I was on the bottom. On the other hand I survived and thrived. I hope that you can do the same.
 
#7
I can identify with the part where you get picked on. I am 53 years old now and people don't normally pick on me any more. I still remember those days though. Children are the meanest bastards in the world. There was a pecking order and I was on the bottom. On the other hand I survived and thrived. I hope that you can do the same.
Teenagers are the worst, I hate being one. I’m so sorry you went through that, I hope you are ok today.❤️
 

MisterBGone

Well-Known Member
#8
Hey there,

When I was your age (like literally!). . . I know I sound like a Grandpa 👴 -& at 42, nearly feel like one ☝️ too: (but I don’t really act like one..;)) // but during that time & age was the one time I was truly targeted and I guess you’d have to say, or call it “bullying,” of sorts.

so it happened during the summer at my first job as a janitor (student) at our high school 🏫 so me and along with about 7 or 8 others, give or take, held these positions. And the age ranged from 15-18. Now, when this took place was during lunchtime. It was a full time job -& thank god only during the summer... but we were all locked in the same room —(& it wouldn’t be a class room for some reason, I don’t recall how it was chosen; but it would be an alternate type room, much smaller , off to the side & claustrophobic (like a police interrogation room).
So if you picture this, every single day at noon 🕛 for the entirety of the lunch hour , I had about 5 or 6 guys quite literally spend the entire duration of the break ripping on me. It was like a roast, except that it wasn’t in an underlying enduring sort of way. And it was very rapid fire — rat - tat - tat - tat (one persons joke; followed by another; followed by another; followed by another. . )

and massive massive laughter and applause was going on in between and during these burns. So it was basically two seniors, a junior - no sophomores (like me) - & two freshman... I feel like I may be forgetting one or two others, but you get the point. It began the moment the last person sat down, and opened their lunch box. And you’d better or best believe that it was a race to do so! And it wouldn’t end until the clock stuck time to go. It doesn’t matter if it was exactly one hour, or a little bit less. It felt like an eternity, and as I say, this was every day, from Monday to Friday (week ends, off).
What made it so difficult to deal with was the fact that I was not used to having to defend myself in this manner. I was very popular amongst my own classmates, none of whom were here, and what’s worse, some of them were siblings to my friends in school (one was actually even younger). Whether or not having these requisite skills in this environment would’ve mattered I could not say. Probably not, had they still chosen to do so and all ganged up on me like that. And they could all each individually kick my butt, so that didn’t help much. . .
It’s strange , because after that, I went back to school in the fall, and it was very weird. I think it took me a good minute or more to adjust to the normalcy of being around and in the company of friends. I was now not used to not being picked on. But eventually, things evened out —& returned or went back to normal.
So what happened then was that I basically stuffed all that inside for the next... well, I don’t know, it was about 5 or 6 years ago - when it came to me—& I’d realized what was done. That is to say, the damage (inflicted). Even though I didn’t know it consciously—that is to say, I wasn’t aware of it in the present time or moment at any given time since then. I began to realize how it has affected me, in a wide variety of ways over the years.
So, I know this isn’t really a very analogous situation, or one in which you can draw many direct comparisons to. But if you feel hurt, done be afraid to ask for help. There’s professionals like psychologists and others who are well trained in this type of stuff. And you may then be able to prevent a lot of the fall out and blow back that I dealt with (albeit unknowingly), for a very good & great number of years. Though I had been to therapy many times in my 20’s & 30’s, this was not something I’d ever even thought of to bring up—because I wasn’t even aware that it was a problem or an issue. : ) 😉 good luck!👍🍀 if you can’t find someone who will listen at your school keep looking and find someone else who will. Maybe ask your doctor for a referral... ✌️ Peace! :D
 

Kiwi2016

🦩 Now a flamingo, not a kiwi 🦩
Forum Pro
#9
I am so sorry that this is happening to you as classmates can be so cruel with their cliques etc as I remember all too well.

I don't know if this is possible but thought would share. A friend of mine just recently shared a similar experience her grandchild was having at school. She suggested that her grandchild should reach out to a another classmate who was also being excluded and this over time developed into a friendship...so wondered if there any of your classmates who also feel/look excluded and maybe reaching out to him/her might be an option for you.

So glad that you found SF and encourage you to keep posting and reaching out here as please take to heart that you do matter and you are not alone as we are all here for you.
 

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