Well, when I freak out it gets embarrassing. I emulate throwing a tantrum, and I mean, in seventh grade it was much worse. And come to think of it, I guess it was a viable excuse since I was still in middle school at the time. I would punch walls, scream, kick at things, knock over shit, and throw things around. I was careful to do things like rip scrap pieces of paper or not seriously punch a hole in the wall...at the same time, it was pathetic behavior Now, I am a junior in high school. I have been to therapy and even seen a psychiatrist (though it was short-lived), and I still do this. It's less frequent. By the time I was in high school, my freaking out was less often. And (slowly but surely) became less destructive. But, as a perfect example, it occurred last night. It still happens. I hate it. I feel fucking stupid. It happens when I am overwrought with anxiety and I don't know how else to react. I only to do it my mother, of course, because she is the only one I ever feel like I can be open with about my consuming anxiety and my anger. Mostly, it's anger and confusion and frustration. I speculate it could be depression, because often I really fail at feeling happy. But more so, it may be that I worry about everything. I am so concerned with grades, with how I appear, with making more friends, etc. And it's all feeling worse, because we moved this year. When I moved in seventh grade, that's when these "tantrums" started. And I honestly don't know how to change my behavior. Or feel anything less than pathetic about it. I don't know. All of this is hard.