I act like a 2 year old, sometimes.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Aphorism, Mar 21, 2012.

  1. Aphorism

    Aphorism Well-Known Member

    Well, when I freak out it gets embarrassing.

    I emulate throwing a tantrum, and I mean, in seventh grade it was much worse. And come to think of it, I guess it was a viable excuse since I was still in middle school at the time. I would punch walls, scream, kick at things, knock over shit, and throw things around. I was careful to do things like rip scrap pieces of paper or not seriously punch a hole in the wall...at the same time, it was pathetic behavior

    Now, I am a junior in high school. I have been to therapy and even seen a psychiatrist (though it was short-lived), and I still do this. It's less frequent. By the time I was in high school, my freaking out was less often. And (slowly but surely) became less destructive.

    But, as a perfect example, it occurred last night. It still happens. I hate it. I feel fucking stupid.

    It happens when I am overwrought with anxiety and I don't know how else to react. I only to do it my mother, of course, because she is the only one I ever feel like I can be open with about my consuming anxiety and my anger. Mostly, it's anger and confusion and frustration. I speculate it could be depression, because often I really fail at feeling happy. But more so, it may be that I worry about everything. I am so concerned with grades, with how I appear, with making more friends, etc.

    And it's all feeling worse, because we moved this year. When I moved in seventh grade, that's when these "tantrums" started. And I honestly don't know how to change my behavior. Or feel anything less than pathetic about it. I don't know. All of this is hard.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    sometimes the other side of depression is anger hun I do hope you can talk to a councellor at your school about your anxiety your built up sadness inside Sometimes just having a constant person at school who will listen to you it will help hun. See if there is such a person at your school okay and they also can teach you ways of controlling the outburst so they do not come out like a volcano erupting hugs
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    You shouldn't feel ashamed about this...it's just how you handle anger and stress. It can get better though...there are more productive ways to handle it. I do things like this sometimes, but I know I need to change my behavior. There's always a way to handle a situation differently, and eventually things will get easier.
  4. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Sending hugs and kind thoughts your way.....sorry you were in such a difficult position last night. :hug: