I actively hate this life.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by gwalchmei, Dec 13, 2010.

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  1. gwalchmei

    gwalchmei Well-Known Member

    I'm sick of living this way. For many years I have been sad, mopey, and depressed. Now I'm just plain angry.
    Fuming.
    The sheer volume of people who I'm trying to help; trying to tell the truth to; trying to protect; trying to carry the burdens for.
    And what galls me the most is the fact that all of them - to a person - simply refuse to listen to my guidance; refuse to listen when I try to warn them away from destructive paths; try to infuse some sense into them; try to get them to finally believe in themselves and the tremendous potential (especially certain among them who have the most potential of all).
    I hover on the edge of effectiveness - not quite reaching it with these people. I can't even reach students anymore.
    These people need a wakeup call. I wonder if offing myself would be it.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    The only wake up call that would give them is that it is okay to off yourself Unfortunately you can't get people to change or care abt themselves if they don't want to. They have to see that Time to take care of You okay and let the ones take care of themselves. that won't listen
     
  3. alison

    alison Well-Known Member

    You can't change other people, you can only change yourself and the way you react to them.

    When my therapist told me the above statement, at first it stressed me out. But once I let it settle in, I felt a huge amount of relief.

    You are not responsible for others. You may offer them advice, but when it comes down to it, they are responsible for themselves. Perhaps they aren't ready to use your advice, but at least you've planted the seeds - you've done all that you can. You've got to let that weight off of your shoulders if you are going to be able look after yourself.

    Offing yourself won't send them the right message t o them, and its no good for you either. Keep talking. It sounds like you've taken care of others for a long time - please extend that care to yourself.
     
  4. gwalchmei

    gwalchmei Well-Known Member

    I just hate this!!!
    The sheer volume of times I have prayed to God about them; on their behalf. I've even begged God to take away my eternal salvation in exchange for them having peace in their lives, and at the end of those very, very long lives, that they would be with Him forever.
    I would even be willing to go to Hell so that they could have that. I love them that much...
    HE WON'T LISTEN!!!! THE SHEER VOLUME OF TIMES I HAVE BEGGED HIM TO EITHER FIX THESE THINGS THAT ARE OUT OF MY POWER, OR ELSE END ME SO THAT I DON'T HAVE TO SEE IT!!! I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!!!
    I sometimes wonder if we don't have so much of a God as we do a cosmic practical joker with the morals of a terrorist!!!
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Now you sound like me begging god to heal them all to protect them all and take me It hurts i know it hurt bad to see they just don't understand don't want to change don't give a dam i guess but the only one we can take care of is us show them by example okay don't preach because preaching only sends themfarther away. i don't know if there is such a being god he never ever never ever answered my prayers all my life i prayed and let say it ended on deaf ears.
     
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