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I actually 'let it all out'

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Smashed__, Feb 1, 2008.

  1. Smashed__

    Smashed__ Well-Known Member

    I did. I really let just about everything on my mind out.

    a couple days ago (29th) the day before my mothers birthday I was overly sad and depressed. I layed down on her bed and she came in to talk with me. I figured it would be like it always is- I tell her I don't know whats wrong and she would talk. She did talk a lot about being positive etc. but then I just lost it- I told her everything. I found the core of why I was still so bitter..I still blame myself for my father leaving almost 7 years ago. it was the root and I am no less depressed but I believe her this time, it wasn't me. :(

    I told her all I could between hyperventilating, about wanting my cancer back, about being suicidal, not wanting to wake up, and I let her know I am here out of guilt alone. I told her how hurt I am everytime someone snaps or yells at me and how I really cry everyday without fail. I told hr I felt like she forgot about me after I asked for 'help' and recieved none. Aside from some slight shock she wasn't put off. I tryed to say I was sorry and She hugged me and told me I didn't say anything wrong, that she understood why I wanted my cancer back. I haven't felt that close to anyone..ever. :sad:

    I remember after I moved a few years ago I had my first real breakdown and truely lost it in the corner of my room. I don't remember much, I just know/am told I kept saying that she was going to leave too. I feel like a child sometimes as i'm still not over it, but I actually feel like I can tell her most anything and she will still love me, maybe even like me. She hasn't treated me or looked at me any differently since I told her about being suicidal like I had feared she might.

    just needed to get this off my chest.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm so happy for you smashed. I'm sure it must feel like the weight of the world is now off your shoulders. Your mom sounds like a good, understanding and caring person. Now you have someone you can trust enough to confide in instead of bottling things up and trying to deal with them yourself. Hope this is the first step of many along your road to recovery. Good luck.
  3. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Well done you! I'm glad you told your mom about your felings and now you know that she will always love you no matter what. I think she handled it brilliantly! More people could use someone so astute in their lives. Now that you feel so close to her, you should try to remember this feeling and know that you can trust her no matter what. I hope that you can continue being so honest with her and I'm glad that you got to the root of many of your issues. Don't forget to tell your mom when you are feeling good too! I am sure she would be ecstatic to hear it if you start feeling better :)
  4. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    :hug: Dresden, I'm glad you let all of that out. :hug:
  5. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    Did it make you feel better?