I was always a boy with not much alertness to life and how to survive, nor with much tricks and strong will to evade this life where everywhere are people who will hamper. In teenages I deliberately formed crude tobacco and lime addiction. My parents never sat with me with suggestion about life and how to cope out. They just acted arrogant and gave me bickerings that rather aloned me and kept me agitated and lonely so that I could even in past 18 years could not quit this bad addiction. due to this addiction my mental and physical vigour totally ruiend, and with years of sitting only at home I now cant move our or cope up. I have some other weird tendencies also..I am not practical, cunning and fast..I tend to mull in noatalgia and form obsessive hooks on past events, some people etc.. I joined many courses and was once appointed for job, but my topsy-turvy condition and bad dirty addiction made me ineligible and rather wasted my parents' money and my effort. In year 2011 my sister got married who carried on her progress in life and was considered the main support by my ailing parents. Since then I have been totally ignored and mistreated and insufficiently considered at home by my parents. whiile only a little more attention and positivity from my parents would have long cured me, but they have not..even today or 4 years ago as I was developoing very well as a 3d and animation artist on self study, a little care from my parents would have allowed me to quit tobacco and develop and place myself on stream, but they have totally rejected me..and their behaviour is contrary to my peace and clear mind and growth. <mod edit- guidelines> I am not mentally/physically ideally suited to live this life well..my productive and growing years are also gone..I am 32 with no job nor any orietation to job or progress. Everyday is a living hell of loneliness and stagnation. My parents should have many years ago held me to cope out from this..but they did'nt and wont..all even if I live and eat here, my life is not going to be well of what I actually deserve to live well..Please help me or send me some painless suicide pill or do something. I am not suicidal..but I dont want to make my life hell..life should have the quality worth living and enjoying..!! All through years without any reason my life record was ruined with deliberate psychiatric manipulation, while the psychitrist is not so good..nor I have any ailments I believe, only my family's behaviour is ruining me..I nevr got psychological councelling nor family councelling nor ever had many friends..life is different here, and my life conditions are an exception..I dont know how other normal people can smile through life..my life's ruinment is not my doing..thig is that I dont want to face the hell coming uo in my life..Please give me painless suicide pills or something..I have no money to get those either! I am a developing artist and with education would work wonders, but my family and life is not concerned so I can life or find best values in life!