When I say it I'm not distressed, I'm actually calm. I've never meant it so much. My thoughts aren't clouded with negativity. I know it's what I want. I don't want to turn to anybody and tell them because I don't want to be sectioned again. I don't want their help anymore. I don't know how to feel. I don't know if I should be happy or sad. I know this is the right choice. I'm not going to 'get better'. No antidepressant or antipsychotic can help me. Hospital can't help. Even therapy doesn't help. I've been through it all before and I couldn't handle it again. The ONLY thing that gets me through the day is self harming. It makes me feel ill, knowing that I have to cut myself just to survive. I feel worthless, I feel hopeless, I feel overwhelmed with sadness. I can't seem to express my emotions to anybody. I can't deal with life. I don't even want to. I don't want to live and get a degree and go into a good profession. I don't want anything life has to offer. It's not worth it.