i agree with white dove

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dumdumgurl, Aug 27, 2007.

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  1. dumdumgurl

    dumdumgurl Well-Known Member

    i have the same problem. things getting in the way. i also attempted 5 weeks ago and woke up; not enough pills but that ain't happening again. first i have to wait for a packge to come to get me my final need; it's in customs as we speak in NY and i don't know how long it gets held there (if not long then i'm in luck and can do it this week cause i just went out and bought a sharp knife to get my femural artery and cut the hell out of my liver which i'm hoping won't hurt after what i take and i will have a large sock in my mouth after i outline where i need to stab). a package got lost so i got screwed there. my mom's death anniversary is comingup and they have a mass for her and my sister can't make it so i feel i have to and don't want to i want to die and do it and not wait around any longer i'm SICK SICK DO YOU HEAR SICK OF BEING HEAR. then after my mom's anniversary it's my dad's bday so i have to stay alive for that it would kill him! then there's doc appts because of so many acccidents and health issues that i have to plan it. last time i was almost successfull with pills (and you can do it i almost made it!) it took 11 days to be found so i need to have people think i'maway or they will be looking for me and i can't go anywhere and do the deed. i live alonebut that doesn't mean i have free access to do it whenever i want to.

    so i agree with white dove. she may post alot from her stress and i feel like doing it too but then i just can't type. i believe she wants to do it and wants our support. i'm getting all prepared so that things can't be "traced" from my actions like getting rid of medicine bottles, waterproof bed mattress cover so that when i pee and i know i'm going to eventually after drinking liquor and so much liquid from all the pills. it's a $1000 mattress i'd like it to be at least given to salvation army if it can still be clean; waste of money otherwise right? making a listand checking it twice. clear up all suicide information and cache's from computer they aren't computer oriented but just in case. trying to get all "problems" solvedand they are happening in droves. one last thing isa credit card company owes me alot of money from fraud charges and so that letter is on the refrig so my dad can follow up on it; it's alot of money and i was told to wait for the new card but if won't comeuntil next week and i am hoping to do things this week and don't want tohave to wait for a damn credit card so i pushed until she gaveme an address at least.

    i'm ANGRY i can't go no. i was ANGRY when i woke up from my last attempt with whati thought would do me in but i have a real high tolerance and that's why the knife. i hit the artery and in minutes it's over. and i know where to cut because a surgeon hit it on the way out of a surgery so the scar is light but i can mark it and then just deep breath and stab deep and hard and get it over with. then hopefully i can turn the knife under my right rib cage and get my liver to start bleeding heavily and i'll be gone the same day and not worry about being around days like last time.

    sometimes life doesn't work with you. god has saved my a$$ so many times but i asked him to please let me come home this time. i don't enjoy life any longer i went out today and was angry at every turn. i'm tired of being stuck in an apartment with just bills bills bills. then getting a job after being out on workers comp is got me down. i had a car accidentand then opened my entire abdomen i have a huge scar on my knee and two on my right arm from the surgeries they did. i look and feel like frankenstein's bride and i wish they would have just let me bleed to death (lacerated liver--god dammit it why can't i just die). i've fought for over 40 years and i'm tired. i want my sucide pill.

    so wd isn't crying wolf she's crying real tears. we don't know what her life if like, we aren't her but she doesn't sound like a cruel mean spirit who is playing with people. she's holding onto what she has andright now that doesn't sound like much. i've posted things on this site i've never tolda soul and that's because i knowpeople understand and can be compassionate no matter what the circumstance. and i'll support wd with whatever she chooses to do. stay and fight or go to the afterlife. i'm not criticizing anyone just saying how i feel in this situation and what i'm going through andi'm being stopped from doing things for whatever reason. i can't get a gun and i don't know how to make a noose and i don't knw much about anything else so i have chosen my method and with both things i should be dead--which me godspeed i would appreciate it.
  2. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    Thank you for understanding me..:hug:

    Every time i try something comes up or gets in the way..

    Here is what i do know..

    1 - I am totally unloved - after i log off line i am alone.. i have no one.. no one to talk too. no one to understand my pain.. no one ..

    2 - i am always posting my feelings cause it helps me to get it off my chest and yes i post i am going to attempt because i honestly do try to attempt.. perhaps i should just get a gun and do myself in , then others wouls see just how much i really mean it. But then the stupid gun would probably missfire or something because someone out there is praying awfully hard to God to stop me from doing it... this has got to be the reason...

    3- why do i keep coming back and posting?? cause im still freeking here and because something got in the way for me to actually do it...

    4 - you dont know how much it hurts to be calling someone crying wolf ( lying ) thats what you are calling me is a flat out liar just because i did not do it..

    that is the story of my freeking life.. all my life has been this way ..

    to those who believe im crying wolf then go on and think that way cause i guess thats what you would believe ... Thats what the minister believed when i did my third attempt.. he found out he was wrong and those here that believe that will find out there wrong also...

    i cant even type anything right anymore cause look i will get accused from something just for saying my stupid mind...

    I dont give a God Damn who believes me or not.. this time you will find out i did it... I aint letting nothing stop me this time.. not a God Damn thing is gonna stop me..

    And another thing all of my posts where not about SUICIDE... i have posted many movies and replied to try and help others..

    Those who think im crying wolf

    SCREW YOU , THE HELL WITH YOU... you not hear to help me and i dont need you..
  3. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I think it's so sad that people are thinking you're craving attention as you're obviously hurting so bad and are crying out for some love and support.
  4. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    ace :hug: it doesnt matter anymore hun..

    thats the way my life is and always goes.. its okay ... its to be espected of others..

    perhaps my death will help them in some way understand that i was hurting and very serious when i said i would do it... let them think im wanting attention , at least i dont have to worry about any police or anyone interfering with me and stopping me.. its all for the best i guess.. its really all for the best
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