I wish I had everything in order so I can just end it all. I can't stand the mental and physical pain any longer. I have to wait for insurance papers and for my partners daughter to come for a visit. I don't want my partner to be alone. She is coming for a visit at the end of this month. The waiting is so hard. I had the pills in my hand last night and it was very hard to put them down. Please let the time go by quickly.