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I almost did it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Bridget11, Feb 4, 2013.

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  1. Bridget11

    Bridget11 New Member

    I hope this is in the right place.
    Sorry if this is a little graphic/triggery
    To give you some background, I've been in treatment for depression/anxiety, self harm, and suicidal tendencies for about 4 months. I've been doing somewhat better for the last month. I live in an apt with 3 other girls and the other night everyone was out. I went to the bathroom (we all share) and brushed my teeth and washed my face. It was pretty routine. Before I started changing into my pajamas, I got really "space-y." This happens on occasion, when I just kind of stare off and go kind of blank (though I can't remember, I must have been thinking about something). Anyway, I took off my jacket (still dazed) then the thin brown belt I was wearing over my dress. I've never understood how to make a edit mod total eclipse method Then, I tugged the shower curtain to see how sturdy it was. I stood up on the edge of the bathtub, <took the edit mod total eclipse method> It was just at this moment that something inside of me "woke up" and I quickly took the belt off. I wasn't afraid exactly; it was sort of an adrenaline rush and definitely some uneasiness. I just don't know how to interpret this at all. I don't feel actively suicidal. It's just strange how that all happened and I honestly can't recall what was going through my head at the time. I'm also conflicted over whether to disclose this to my therapist or pdoc, as I don't want to be admitted to a hospital again (as I was 2 months ago).
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 4, 2013
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    If you are dazing out like this then you do need to tell your doctor so you can get med adjusted to help you Please hun they will not admit you to hospital because you did not intentially want to harm yourself Talk to them ok get some help
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...Please talk to your pdoc and your therapist...there may be things you are trying to tell yourself that are better revealed with the help of someone...and please continue to post...many of us have been in that place, a rather dissociative state where we have fantasized of self harming...welcome again
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