I hope this is in the right place. Sorry if this is a little graphic/triggery To give you some background, I've been in treatment for depression/anxiety, self harm, and suicidal tendencies for about 4 months. I've been doing somewhat better for the last month. I live in an apt with 3 other girls and the other night everyone was out. I went to the bathroom (we all share) and brushed my teeth and washed my face. It was pretty routine. Before I started changing into my pajamas, I got really "space-y." This happens on occasion, when I just kind of stare off and go kind of blank (though I can't remember, I must have been thinking about something). Anyway, I took off my jacket (still dazed) then the thin brown belt I was wearing over my dress. I've never understood how to make a edit mod total eclipse method Then, I tugged the shower curtain to see how sturdy it was. I stood up on the edge of the bathtub, <took the edit mod total eclipse method> It was just at this moment that something inside of me "woke up" and I quickly took the belt off. I wasn't afraid exactly; it was sort of an adrenaline rush and definitely some uneasiness. I just don't know how to interpret this at all. I don't feel actively suicidal. It's just strange how that all happened and I honestly can't recall what was going through my head at the time. I'm also conflicted over whether to disclose this to my therapist or pdoc, as I don't want to be admitted to a hospital again (as I was 2 months ago).