i almost had it..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by An Angel in Black, Jan 24, 2008.

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  1. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    i had the gun, wasnt sure if it was loaded or not, but my dad ussually keeps it that way, it had a clip anyway. i turned the safety off, pointed it to my head, and almost pulled the trigger all the way, i was so close. my parents dont understand deppression is a sickness, it isnt neccesarily triggered by reason. then i sit there and listen to my family laugh at depression, like its so stupid, and theyll ramble on and on simply because they dont know. more of all they dont know i have it. and its so hard because the treat me like i have the sanity of a normal person. i remember when my father thretend to hit me, the next day he told me he was really close, and that he had to put me in my place..what??? like im an animal? like i cant question him? like im suppose to be completely submissive...god im so sick of it.. im F**ing tired of it all. i just want it to end.. whn i say were moving thats exactly what i mean. im still in with my family unfortunantly. i dont see any F**ing point in actually being alive. ever since i was young, i can remember crying a lot. esspecially when i did sometihng wrong, i didnt even get a spanking because i felt so bad about what i did there was litterally no point, and i would cry right then and there. ive always been that way, and im just sick of it.. im sick of it all.. god i want it to end:unsure: i feel like a peice of merchandise, in which is defective and broken, so my father whats to change me out for one that does work.. after all, who wants something worthless and defective?
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 24, 2008
  2. Mortem

    Mortem Well-Known Member

    Nothing you haven't heard before really; but you need to get out of there, put some distance - not only because of the obvious but also because if you manage to stay alive and stick around that sort of personality I think it's a big risk that you'll become that way yourself, or at least very bitter. I suppose a formula would go something like this - get a job - make some money - buy yourself out of there. Altho I admit it's not as easy as it sounds.
  3. spirit

    spirit Member

    I understand exactly how you feel, cause I often feel the same way. People just laugh, mock, as if they don't care. People are so cruel. Please let me know if there is any way you can move out and make a new start? Good luck.

    LILICHIPIE Well-Known Member

    OMFG Angel
    put that gun away; killing yourself isnt an answer regarding the main problem is your father
    Im 100 per cent sure once u go away; things will get away
    you DO DO need to move away and maybe child protection can help you for this i dont know
    you have to ask the right person about this
    Dont u have a friend you can go to and sleep there?
    ur dad and sibblings are eating you up this is not possible

    As for my parents; they perfectly know how im feeling depressed and have tried to help by calling me once evry day or so but they dont know about my plan
    the main thing is that though they know im ill they cannot help me

    however thats nasty I really cannot understand how on hell ple can have guns at their houses

    Im looking forward to talking to you
    I m thinking of you as ur probably sleeping

    i love you
  5. Mortem

    Mortem Well-Known Member

    (this should've been in the post above but it slipped out for some reason)

    I'm taking a special interest in you since this sort of personality is something I've dealt with a lot. Reading all your posts here you seem like such a nice and caring person. I know I was too at some point, and I know being around those people took a great part in shaping the walking corpse I am today. After my uncle and my grandmother I had the bad luck of getting a boss with the same manners, at my first (and only) employment which lasted 10 months. The worst day during that employment I jumped off a 12 meter high construction, filled up to the brim with guilt from getting yelled at 15 minutes earlier. Yes, I made mistakes. But they were nowhere in par with the sort of punishment I recieved.
    Sure, these kinds of people aren't all evil either... they can be oh so nice to you at times - but you can never be relaxed around them since they can switch mood any second. Oh, and yeah - they love to tell you how fantastic they were and all the things they've achieved... all in good order to make you feel inferior - don't believe it, even if it's true there's usually an equal amount of embarressing mistakes which they tend to conveniently hide. They love to put themselves on pedestals but it's all hypocracy.

    Sorry if there are any typos or the likes above, english isn't my native language and I'm running out of time at the moment.
  6. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    why are you going away?:sad: thats the only thing that stopped me from finishing the trigger yesterday was that i wanted to talk to you and the rest of my friends more..i make a wonderful friend and then in no time she leaves me...this is exactly what im used to.. being alone. everyone leaves me at one point or another, except my dad...yaf***inghoo! lol i dont want you to go Agnes..plzz...yes im whiny and clingy from what ive been told. plz dont leave me alone. if you do who knows what i might do.. plz dont leave me..plz..plz..plz...:eek:hmy:
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I'm glad that you didn't pull the trigger Angel. You're a great guy and we all would miss you. Agnes, don't leave Angel. He really needs you. You guys need eachother.
  8. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    thank you, but im afraid im not going to be around for much longer
  9. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    dave, i would give my own life to have agnes stay, but ive tried to convince her and i dont think shes gonna listen to me...i just hope i can see her agian soon.
  10. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    its ok mortem, thank you for the kind words. they mean a lot, they really do.. and yes, thats exactly the way my father is, i can never relax around him, and sometimes hes sooo nice, and then just like that he'll start yelling at you..-_-
  11. spirit

    spirit Member

    Try not to take it personally. He's the one with the problem. I know it's not easy, but try to ignore him. You know how wonderful you are. Believe in yourself.
  12. aloner

    aloner Active Member

    Parents suck! Don't believe what they tell you. They lie just like everybody else.
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