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I am a failure with strong suicidal thoughts

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by nafas, Aug 28, 2015.

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  1. nafas

    nafas New Member

    so, I found this great boy about 14 months ago... we were soulmates.
    I love him so much, I think my whole life was kinda based on him.
    sure, we had fights. but earlier today, he said he loves me... he said he is gonna be with me...
    and an hour ago he said he is leaving cause I am hurting his feelings. I am an emotional person I never hurt others on purpose.
    I can't figure out why.
    I am a failure in everything...
    school, friendships, family, art...
    I never had a success and now I lost him too.
    I can't stand this life anymore. I have no purpose.
    I was a total disaster when we met, and had this magical year together, I hate this life
    when he cant put on with me, no one else can - or I don't want others to do!- so I am considering ending my life.
    seriously, there is no point.
    I tried talking to others, went on therapies, had charity works, try doing new things, worked out etc. but after all see no purpose.
    before meeting him, I felt the same as I do now. so I am back in my first place.
    nothing helped me before. and I don't know why I am here posting this, I just wanna make sure it is over.
    or maybe I seek help. I don't know
    I am totally lost like before...
  2. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    Hello nafas :)
    I don't think you're a failure. There are always ups and downs in life and I'm pretty sure you'll get over him in time. Just take a look at some numbers: there are about 8 billion people living on this planet of which more than half are guys. Do you think that none of these maybe 4 million guys could make you happy? I hope I could make you feel a bit less desperate maybe..? If you want to talk, you can send me a message, okay?
    Take care.

    - Cooki
  3. nafas

    nafas New Member

    dear Cooki! you are right! there are lots of guys out there...
    but the problem is, what is the point when i can't find the "one"?!
    i am not sure if you get what i mean.
    there are lots of guys, i will find another one and maybe we are gonna split, and so on. there is no point of finding love if it's gonna end.
    why end this life in 60 while i can end it now? what will be change? except i'll have more bad memories and i am old and gross :(
    i was a disaster before and now i am back being it again! see? nothing has changed! except time:)
  4. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    I think there IS a difference. In time everything can change and you can see things from another perspective. Everything could be kinda perfect, you don't know. And if you end it now, you will never know what could have changed. Of course there will be bad memories you'll have by then but there will as well be a bunch of awesome memories. And I know what you mean with finding the "one". I'm trying to find the one for me as well and I'm not sure if I haven't lost him already. But there must be more than one "the one' for each of us, if you know what I mean.
  5. nafas

    nafas New Member

    there are more than "one" , and all are gonna end! in fact, our lives are gonna end. so why bother?
    you know, if i live a happy life, i am gonna be sad after death, for losing my life! and if i don't end my life, i am gonna go on without any goal or satisfaction.
    i can't handle emotions anymore
  6. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    It doesn't always end. Try thinking a bit more positively '^^ I know it is hard and I hated being told to think positive but now I think it helps. And you won't have to be sad when you're old and had a happy life because you can look back knowing you did what you wanted and you had the life you've worked hard for.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome, I think you are focusing too much on the negativity. Did you enjoy the charity, volunteering work you did?
    There are 3.5 billion men on this planet, you will find someone for you, maybe not today or tomorrow but you will. You seem very intelligent and a nice person,I think you should give yourself more credit. Does it help to talk? Do you have many friends?

    I hope you are feeling better today.
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