I am a hopeless and helpless person

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Withdrawn, May 28, 2011.

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  1. Withdrawn

    Withdrawn Well-Known Member

    Hello everyone.

    Long time no see! :cheekkiss
    I'm quite upset and sad.
    The last year, I've been thinking of babies. :smurf:
    I found out that I wanted one or two children when I'm older.
    And that's why I'm so sad. Because I'll probably never be able to have kids.
    I'm labelled as "very severly" mentally disabled. :hiding:
    Aargh! I turned 15 in March and I can't do much. :shy:
    It's so frustrating, because I don't want my children to be ashamed of their mother. :sad:

    My English is worse too. :sadyes:
    I just stopped caring about the English language after I was hospitalized.
    I never wrote anything in English. Nowadays I happen to write: "The dog look at me" and things like that. I hate myself.

    My medicines have taken all my suicide courage away.
    That doesn't mean I don't want to die. I still want to die, but I'm more scared now. Sometimes I wish to stop taking my medicines, or overdose them, just to die.

    Oh, do I actually have to live this life?
    In 2 months and 3 days I'm forced to live somewhere else. Away from my family! I bet I will not cope well, I will probably freak out every single day.
    Maybe my life doesn't seem very horrible and so on, but I find it horrible because I need:
    * A personal assistant.
    * An attendant.
    * Therapies.
    * Mobility service.
    * Conformal school attendance.
    * Medicines.
    * Doctors.
    And I don't want this! It's terrible and makes me feel bad and embarrassed about myself.

    I'm like this turtle: :turtle: Helpless. But I'm not smiling, like the turtle. And I'm not green. But my eyes are green though. And green is my favourite colour.
  2. tweetypie

    tweetypie Antiquities Friend

    Im sorry you have such a severe condition honey but you are still young there are so many things you have yet to experience ! And i hope all of them will be good ! Many severly disabled people have gone on to great things. They told me my son would never talk becuause of his autism and probably never walk but he surprised us all. There should always be that ray of hope ! *giant hug*
  3. Monoka

    Monoka Well-Known Member

    Hi, withdrawn,

    i have no idea what it would feel like, but dont give up hope. as shadow said circumstances change and things can improve. you are only 15 and a lot can change between now and the opportunity to have children.

    i hope things look up for you soon.
  4. Withdrawn

    Withdrawn Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your reply, shadowgirl. I'm glad to hear about your son, that he surprised you, if that was a good thing.

    Thank you, Monoka! :D
  5. Monoka

    Monoka Well-Known Member

    no problems, PM me if you ever need/want.

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