You're not! You can always email me, at ester@shooru.com, "Nobody". And once again thank you for beign there the other day. Please let me be there for you too. I'm going off now to a gig, but I'll be back later on. here if you need me, my email is also my msn-addy if you're interested. Please take care, xxx Ester
That's not true and you know it, yes, bad things happen, but just because they happen it doesn't mean it's your fault. You can make everything ok, you have no control over certain things. Although.. I know how you feel, you know it logically doesn't make as much sense, but you feel so deeply that your bad, but we aren't. I am sorry for the things that have been happening lately, but it isn't your fault, it ws him, he was acting that way, he was saying innapropriate thing, he is the one fooling your mother... not you.. you're a great, caring, thoughtful, smoke, talented person. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: wuvs ya :cheekkiss
Thanks but it's not true. I am just the lowest piece of shit in existance. I have had a terrible day. I had to go to work and it was awful I just felt bossed around and put upon and miserable. Last night I got so dissociated that the first thing I realised was that I was sitting in a pool of blood on my boyfriend's bathroom floor. I had cut an actual word into my thigh, complete with underline. I am so fucked up!!! So I cleaned that up of course. I won't let my boyfriend see. And he got pissed off with me about that. He woke up because I was crying and he was odd with me this morning. He says it's because he's worried about me but right now he's not doing anything to make me feel better. He said he'd meet me from work today. He promised he'd be on time. He was fifteen minutes late and he didn't even apologise. I hate being out in public on my own. He knows that. I went loopy at him, so now he actually hates me just like everyone else does. Whatever. I KNOW THAT I AM PROBABLY OVERREACTING ABOUT EVERYTHING BUT I CAN'T HELP IT! I have lost my sodding debit card. I'm supposed to be going to my stupid late birthday party thing tonight with my friends. I don't want to go. I just want to end it all and not have to fucking think about anything. This isn't fair. Wjhy does all this bad stuff happen to and around me?? Then just before I made this thread I sort of 'came to' and I have fucked my leg up royally. I went over and over what I wrote last night. So much for that not scarring. I even had steri strips on it today. Fuck knows where they went. I don't remember anything and it really scares me. Everything is too much. My mum decided to go out with her dickhead tonight instead of seeing me off this evening. I haven't seen her since... Monday? Yes. Monday. Well fuck her. Fuck everyone. And most of all fuck me. Yeah sure, why not? Seems like everyone thinks that kind of thing is their right. No one is home and I have all my pills.
So my boyfriend rang and told me he's picking me up at 7.30 and I'm going to have a nice evening whether I like it or not. My mum phoned me just now and got cross with me for worrying my brother. She was all like "Well what's wrong anyway?!" like nothing could possibly be wrong at all. And I just wanted to scream at her that I'm upset because her beloved fiance is a twat. And because I keep carving my leg up and not even remembering doing it. And my life is shit and it always will be. Because there's no hope for me in life and I just wish people would leave me alone for long enough for me to do something about it! And that I'm upset because I love her but our relationship is screwed up thanks to her ex boyfriend using me as a sex toy for a year and a half. But no, I just told her I'd had a hard day at work, and I was fine, and blah blah blah blah blah. Yes mother, my life is perfect. :cry: :cry: :cry:
no you're not. nobody is. i think that sometimes and i then think back and its not true. every one is desabled in a way but we all are speacil. i think ur wonderful even though i dont know u. u are not stupid , dumb or anything. we all love u. have a little faith.
