I am a terrible person

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by csmitty, Oct 13, 2011.

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  1. csmitty

    csmitty New Member

    I am bipolar. Was manic six weeks ago and cheated on my wife with a prostitute. It was the dumbest mistake I ever made. Now, I'm pretty sire I have HIV/AIDS. I want to die. I can;t live with that disease, especially with people knowing how I got it. I would be an outcast and in pain all day - physical and emotional. Everyone will hate me. My wife hates me.
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hiya, csmitty. I'm sorry you've had a hard time. :hug: I can tell that you honestly are sorry for your actions during your manic phase. About your fear of having AIDS, the best thing would be to go to the doctor, explain the situation, and have them test you.

    Just wondering if your wife and you have talked to a mental health professional together so that she is aware of how your actions a few weeks ago could be related to your being bipolar? It might help both of you. Also, the counsellor/pdoc might be able to give you both some coping mechanisms and plans to follow if you feel you are beginning to slip into either a manic or depressive phase.

    I'm thinking of you and hoping that things settle down for you.
  3. eagles_fan

    eagles_fan Well-Known Member

    Csmitty, talk to a professional with your wife about your mental health. It would help both you and your wife understand you and your actions better.

    Also, it would help to get tested for HIV/AIDS immediately.
  4. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Why are you sure you have aids? - generally speaking its hard to catch.

    Just go for a aids test - its simple - I've had one myself - well I got tested for everything just to see if I was clean. For men - all it takes is a blood test - and there are some STDs that you can kind of spot yourself - and if you don't know what to look for - find out.

    Just get a test once a year if your sexually active and not committed.

    And if this prostitute has aids - you got to report her - because she needs jailing for her reckless behaviour. But how would you know she has it? Most know they can be jailed.

    As for your wife - you've done something almost unforgivable - anything can be forgiven. Did you tell your wife you slept with - or - lets make no bones - had unprotected sex with? Maybe high risk sex with a hooker?

    Is this the first time you cheated?

    Your wife's worry will be its not the first time - and if she thinks you've slept with her after hookers - its a hard one to forgive. If you have put her at risk - I don't think bi polar or depression or anything like that could be explained by an expert to make her feel better or accept that.

    If you have had to admit to her your error - out of concern - that's a better situation though still difficult.

    Thing is to be honest - and if you have cheated - and can admit to it - well you've made something good out of a mess. At least she can decide - knowing for sure beats the suspicion - but its still a second best to loyalty. Still - I'm not judging you mate. your not the first and will not be the last man who got led by something other than his brain.

    Thanks for your honesty cssmitty - to be honest- not being bi polar (I guess) - my behaviour is not really up and down to the point were I don't know exactly what I am doing and who might be hurt by it. My mind might be in other places sometimes - but I'm not married so even if I slept with 1000 hookers - the only one likely to be hurt would be me! I'd have to fall in love with one - but hope I'd not be that be dumb and actually hope I never end up with one in the first place!

    As for the aids - get a test! - its unlikely you have it but if you have unprotected sex you really don't know what they have - I'd worry if I never used a condom unless I really knew the women and trusted her.

    Having a wife - its good for many reasons really - hopefully she is a friend and that is usually the case - but maybe you hit a rocky ground and communication is not there. That is the start of the slippery slope for most.

    Good luck - take the test before you pronounce yourself dead! Odds are you are fine - worrying for nothing - but THE biggest worry you have is the right worry - because its the infidelity your wife needs to forgive - at least it was not an affair - which few will forgive - some sordid one night stand - bad as it is - it means nothing really - no emotional attachment - not time really - so women usually accept that more than you buying some women flowers and saying you love her.

    I know hookers - and know a LOT of married men use them - and a lot want unprotected sex - and a lot want the riskiest kind of sex - and a lot are either drunk or on drugs - coke usually but others. Sober - few men would bother.

    Being married - if you really do feel like your going to have to see a hooker - I got a better idea - don't really need to tell any other man a coping mechanism that's safe sex and even the missus won't complain or accuse you of cheating.

    Some good advice here - and be careful with depression that you don't jump into bed with any passing offer. Its not the 60s with love children - its the 21st century with a one in ten chance of catching something you really don't want to catch. Nature does not look too kindly on promiscuity - it puts up risks for good reasons - whatever it is - evidence points to monogamy when you do find someone who you know will not be playing away - so to speak!

    Some things harmless to men could kill a women or make her infertile - long odds perhaps - but if you think your pleasure is worth someone else risking it - its a bad view of things.

    Good luck.
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