It was 1999, on new years day I was at a Millennium New Years party with some friends. I had this feeling..like I just was not feeling so good ( thats the best I can describe it) suddenly I had a seizure, a real bad one, probably the worst in my life. They called the ambulance and I was taken to the ER, ther was not alot they could do so they just kept tabs on me and let me get through it. But around the time before that night, I had a bad habit of thinking of suicide, cause I just did not feel I have much to live for and still don't. But when the seizures were over with they sent some social worker there to give me a psyche evaluation ( got no idea why) I know it may have been wrong but I took advantage of that, she asked me certain questions, involving if I think of suicide or have attempted with ( I got 1 out of 2 there) there was others after that. But like I was saying I took advantage of it, I answered the questions like I thought I should to try to get me some help, and it worked, I wound up at a mental hospital for 2 weeks, I got counseling, group counseling, meds, even made a friend. But my point is since then I have not tried to kill myself, I even collect swords and knives, and remind myself I have the tools to try it if I want, but I don't and I have lived by myself for close to 5 years now (and let me tell you living away from my mom is great). My friend shiela says its a sign that have a strong will, but some times I liek to think its that I want to some day have some hope in my life, and there are and have been days that I think I see some, like my Gf, she is such an angel. There are other ways to get rid of problems other then suicide, I will let everyone who thinks that now, there are friends and family, there is even people on here that listen, which is great on those nights, when I am alone and down, but suicide is never the answer, and I want those who think of it to know that. Sometimes you can be looking at the hope you look for right in he face and not even know it, so try to keep more of an open mind. now if you will excuse me my hands are shaking from writing this. Peace out everyone.