I live in a country where sex can be bought at a very reasonable price. I sometimes go on vacation to Thailand where it is ridiculously cheap. Thankfully I have yet to contract a horrible STD (been checked for work) but I don't know what to do. I go out on the weekends and get horribly shit faced. I go and try to go out and meet with girls. They seem interested only to find out they only want to have a foreigner friend to up their prestige or a free English lesson. Sometimes they act interested for an extended period of time only to disappear. The point of all of this is I should be saving money, but I keep wasting it all on Booze and hookers. I try to tell myself that I should just stop. That I have went years without sex and it never killed me. Yet almost every weekend I wake up in some brothel or love motel. I want a REAL girl friend. I want real love. I was raised as a born again Christian and I am ashamed of my actions. Yet the need and craving for female companionship drives me insane. And I flush more and more hard earned cash down the toilet. I feel empty. Sometimes I don't even get aroused because it is all so fake and meaningless. I had a problem in the states while I didn't buy hookers I often frequented postings on craigslist and pretty much would have sex with anyone willing to have sex with me. I feel that I am a sex addict. I just want to meet someone who loves me. But I feel that my past sexual history that even if I did find someone who loved me they would be so repulsed by my actions that they would run. I don't know what to do.