I am very depressed and have been for quite a while. It is a chronic problem. Since losing job after job, it tends to become an acute problem when I don't see much chance that I will be able to keep supporting myself. I've never been really homeless. I am frightened of that happening. I now have chronic pain in my neck that is not excruciating, but is very incapacitating. I get a really burning sensation in the back of my neck. If I try to keep active, despite the pain, I start to feel worse and worse pain. I am very lonely. I live alone. Never married or had children. I moved far away from where I was born and grew up. My parents are dead and I am not close with siblings. I've always tended to shy away from other people. I have carefully researched methods of suicide. I purchased a revolver and ammunition (hollow point.) In the past week, I have been feeling like I am coming closer to committing suicide by <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods> I have owned the gun for almost 30 years. It is a 38 calibre Smith and Wesson - chief special -5 shot revolver. I am thinking that I should get the gun cleaned and serviced for any maintenance that it might need. I have hollow point bullets, but they are 30 years old. I am thinking I should buy new bullets. I got sent home from my last job assignment on Tuesday, February 7, 1912. I was sent home as not competent to do the job. This is only the most recent of many job failures. I began feeling devastated hours after leaving the job site. The neck pain (a chronic issue,) that has been bad since before Christmas, has gotten much worse in the past week. I went to the hospital ER Friday, Feb. 10 to try and get it diagnosed. I am a nurse. I don't think it matters what the diagnosis is. I believe I have a permanent upper spinal problem. I believe I will be in pain for as long as I am alive. I want to escape this. I am new and I don't know if I am violating some rule by being explicit here. I suppose I will be told so if that is the case. I would like to find another solution. I don't have a lot of hope for that. I have become to profoundly demoralized and I am frantic to escape the pain. I am alone and have really no one to help me manage at home. I had a bad reaction to a combination of new psych drugs and pain meds that I took on Friday eve. I woke up Saturday morning very ill. I have no confidence in psychiatrists, after years of seeing them. In the past year and a half, I have had a 4 different bad reactions to new psychotropics. This one that I experienced yesterday was terrible. I am a nurse, and I think that makes me more pessimistic. I have never had a suicide attempt. I have never been interested in alternative means of committing suicide. I think the outcome is more unreliable in those cases. I am not interested in gesturing. I was recently hospitalized for +SI for about 36 hours. It was so awful where I was a patient, I said whatever I thought would get me released. I am a middle-aged woman. I don't have any hope for the future being an improvement over the past. My plan is to drive to a remote area. I would leave a note on the car indicating that the police should be called. I would want to be somewhere that would be far enough off the beaten path, that the sound of the shot would not draw attention. My hope is that I would die within 2 minutes. I would like to remain left without intervention long enough, so that I would eventually die, even if the shot was not optimally placed. I am not real experienced with hand guns. I have practiced at the range in the past.