I am alone

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Nearly, Oct 20, 2013.

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  1. Nearly

    Nearly New Member

    I can't imagine living another day. I am alone.

    Of course you say I have my parents, and my siblings, but they are only there because they are required to be there by social norms. They wouldn't be there if they weren't that relation to me. I have no friends, hell I can barely talk to family without the fear of what they think of me so making friends isn't possible.

    I'm falling behind in school because I can't work up the courage to talk to teachers, and just being in the rooms with the 20 other kids makes me want to cry. I have no friends to turn to, at least anything other than internet "friends" and they really don't care. I'm tired of being afraid of people, and I am tired of living.

    I've lost all hope. I won't amount to anything in my future, so why not end it now? Before I have to just be an expense for those around me.

    I can't use a therapist, as opening up to someone I know is impossible. The medicine I have recently started won't help.

    The only release I have, cutting, just makes me hate myself more. Maybe I'll slip up later and go too far. Maybe I'll end it all then. I hope.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    all these things that your brain is telling you are lies just depression that is all it is. You family cares about you it is not just a thing they have to do they love you
    No one can read minds hun you need to reach out and talk to someone anyone and get help for you Your doctor will help you a councilor at school will help you If you cannot talk then you write a note and leave it for a teacher who will then help you The medicine takes awhile to start up to 6 weeks until it hits a maximum affect Give it time ok Meanwhile stay here you are NOT alone here we understand we do so please keep reaching out here
  3. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I can relate because I have social phobias. School was hard and talking to teacher was even harder. But I got this one teacher that dared to talk to me and give me help, and that gave me confidence in teachers, even though I didn't talk to them most of the time, when I had questions I asked. It is hard to do, but you gotta keep trying. Eventually, you will succeed...

    if the meds don't feel like they are helping, maybe get a change? but it can take months before they work properly, maybe even a year. Give yourself a break and take it one day at a time...

    and about your parents, I'm sure they love you very much, sometimes it feels as though they don't care but they do...maybe tell them about your fears, or ask them what they like about you etc...that you need to hear they care...
  4. munkydo

    munkydo New Member

    Nearly, your story sounds so much like mine. I'm also having the same struggles with college.. no friends and I feel the same way about how my family feels about me. I ended up not attending Thanksgiving dinner because I just feel like I'm some kind of burden on them.. a shame... I'm 29 and still in college and I've withdrawn from 3 of my 4 courses this semester, in my 4th year. I used to have a couple friends growing up, not close but they were there... but I have avoidant personality disorder, so I find socialising with people really nerve-wracking and it's just gotten worse with time though I put on a decent enough mask to "pass" during the first few meetings, I seem to always find myself excluded eventually however much of that is myself cutting myself off from other people... I'm not a cutter but I have dermatillomania (compulsive skin picking resulting in scarring). If you want to talk any time, please drop me a line... you are not alone.
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