I am already gone

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by HBStrider, Feb 18, 2016.

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  1. HBStrider

    HBStrider Well-Known Member

    i can't see surviving this. Even talking about it is depressing and killing me. I only see the inevitable outcome of my situation. Once your gone you can't have regrets. Once your gone your pain is gone. I just want to disappear
     
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Suicide doesn't have to be the only answer.
    There is always a solution somehow, have you reached out to someone who can help you? A doctor? anyone?
     
  3. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. I know you are very low at the moment. Don't worry we all suffer and understand in our own way. I know you are hurting but please do not be thinking your alone. I know as you read this, you think that don't care but we do here. Life is about living and any pain you are suffering can be turned around over a period of time. The emotion you feel will never be gone but we can help you to move forward. So let the pain out by crying, it's releases the hurt from within.

    I feel your sadness in your replies but trust us as the only ones who understand are the ones who still suffer and have suffered in the past. I plead with you, not do anything but seek help. Don't be alone but surround yourself with people in a cafe or a shopping mall. Keep posting and let's us help YOU.

    YOU ARE IMPORTANT and just need care, love and support from us.
     
  4. HBStrider

    HBStrider Well-Known Member

    I wish you could help me. I can't reach out to anyone. I am alone in this. I can't even discuss with my wife. I am scared. I am so not important in the scheme of it all. I see nothing beyond death. My conscious mind will be gone and will feel no regret or pain.
     
  5. HBStrider

    HBStrider Well-Known Member

    There is no fairytale for me. I wish there was. I see my mom with Alzheimer's bed ridden soiling herself. I see my dad with dementia bed ridden soiling himself. I am sad and broken. I wish for there release from life. My life is in shambles and I can't help or comfort them. I am losing everything I hold dear - my parents my home my life.
     
  6. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    You are always important!

    Why not try to call your doctor and tell them how you feel? You can get help. Please do that for yourself.
     
  7. HBStrider

    HBStrider Well-Known Member

    Even here In SF I am most likely hurting someone. Doing damage to someone else's mind. My hopelessness can only cause negative feelings which makes me feel even more guilty with more regrets.
     
  8. HBStrider

    HBStrider Well-Known Member

    I have little faith in my doctor.
     
  9. HBStrider

    HBStrider Well-Known Member

    I can bring myself to try and talk to anyone that knows me. Everyday it gets worse
     
  10. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Take a deep breath please.

    I promise you there's a better solution than to end it all. All you have to do is reach out your hand.

    Why can't you talk to your wife?
    If you can't trust your doctor, can you talk to another? call a therapist yourself?

    You have every right to post your issues here, don't worry about that. There's people here who do care what happens to you!
     
  11. HBStrider

    HBStrider Well-Known Member

    I am living day to day on the promise of tomorrow. Somehow tomorrow will fix this am a little happiness will return. I can hardly breath right now I am so stressed out.
     
  12. HBStrider

    HBStrider Well-Known Member

    I have doomed and cornered myself. I need a miracle. I know in my heart and mind that I am not surviving this. Whether today or tomorrow or next week I see no surviving this
     
  13. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Yes you can survive this. Reach out to someone.
     
  14. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I am sorry you are feeling so bad, instead of taking it day by day take it hour by hour, that might be easier. I really hope you can get through this difficult time, just know we are here for you, you do not have to battle this alone.
     
  15. HBStrider

    HBStrider Well-Known Member

    I am 56 and have no meaning to my life. I have lost my hope and dreams. I have little fight left in me. Absolutely no one in here knows how bad it is for me. All I ever wanted was a quite simple life. It is all falling apart. I see no way out
     
  16. sahel

    sahel SF Supporter

    Why do you think everything is falling apart?
     
  17. HBStrider

    HBStrider Well-Known Member

    I don't think I know it is. You are far to young to relate. My kids are older than you.
     
  18. HBStrider

    HBStrider Well-Known Member

    Sorry I don't mean to be critical I know your trying to help but I can hardly function as it is. I didn't drink coffee today to see if I can reduce my anxiety. No sleep last night. I don't feel right. I feel dead
     
  19. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Cut out caffeine completely. Exercise as much as you can during the day. Regarding sleep I am having the same issues as you and my doctor will not give me back my sleeping pills because they are addictive so it's fair enough she is only looking out for me.
    How would you like to see yourself in a year from now? Please never give up on yourself. I know I am not your age, I am 27 but I know how bad depression can leave you feeling, it put me into a coma...i'll say no more. Suicide should never ever be considered as an ''option''. Please keep talking to us here, you don't deserve to feel this way. I'm not going to walk away, you deserve someone to listen. Best of luck to you fellow sufferer.
     
  20. HBStrider

    HBStrider Well-Known Member

    I should not have come to this site. Is it best to ignore the feelings or confront them. When I think about them the anxiety tend to overwhelm me. All I see is darkness. I don't think I have an issue with dyeing. I want to die. I have an issue letting down the people around me. It is the only thing holding me here. Soon I will be more valuable dead than alive. They say money can't make you happy which is such bull shit. I know why I am here today. I gave up over 20 years ago trying to control my wifes spending and now it will kill me.
     
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