I am an awful person

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Brittless, Sep 1, 2016.

  1. Brittless

    Brittless All I loved I loved alone...

    I hate myself. I ruin everything. I'm cold. I'm indifferent. I'm selfish. Disgusting. Ugly inside. I hate myself. I hate myself. How can anyone love me? I don't deserve their love, their care, their time. I'm poison and a plague on this earth. I hate when I should love. I'm promiscuous at the wrong time. I'm indifferent in the face of pain. I don't know how to react. How to be.

    I am an awful human being and anyone that ever believed otherwise now knows the truth.
  2. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    i dont believe you awful, but i also know how hard that is for you to believe, know i am only a message away
    sorry i dont have much else to offer night now.
    Brittless likes this.
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I am sorry you feel that way about yourself, though from what I can see on here, you are very much the opposite of the things you have described. Is there anything specific that triggered these emotions?
  4. Brittless

    Brittless All I loved I loved alone...

    Yes. A fight sparked these feelings and how I behaved in that fight.
    Thanks- I guess it comes and goes and I'm more harsh with the people closest to me.
  5. moxman

    moxman I am proud to call Rosie, my best friend =) Forum Pro

    I don't agree, with any of that. I think you are a kind and caring person. If you are having a lot of fights, maybe a couples counselor would help you guys fight less?

    What do you think would help you the best?

    Take Care
  6. ghostangelcake7

    ghostangelcake7 Well-Known Member

    Truly awful people would never admit to their being awful, at least without the hint of sarcasm..
  7. Brittless

    Brittless All I loved I loved alone...

    I don't know what would help me best. If I did I'd employ it and get myself out of this mess. For now I am doing all I can to help myself. I want to be helped. I'm pretty much begging to be. Pride and all be damned.
  8. Brittless

    Brittless All I loved I loved alone...

    They might. I'd have to interview Hitler or something for that. I think people find me cold sometimes. In certain situations I don't act the proper way one should. Isn't that awful?
  9. ghostangelcake7

    ghostangelcake7 Well-Known Member

    I think people find me that way too..very cold, distant, uninterested, when I really am just kind of holding myself back due to numerous insecurities about myself. It's awful to hold oneself back, but doesn't make one awful as a person. What is proper acting? I don't think it matters as long as you are just your self and avoid trying to mirror other people's actions. it looks unnatural when we are all unique and therefore will function uniquely, so there is no proper way to act in my opinion. Just do your best to fake it til you make it..smile casually, make eye contact, say hello, compliment something..it just takes the edge off worrying if you look 'unproper' or 'cold'..and I'm going about all the stuff I am telling you to do that I myself cannot *sigh

    You should start thinking more positively about yourself, even if it doesn't feel natural, you do have some positive virtues. For instance, I am modest...
  10. Brittless

    Brittless All I loved I loved alone...

    Hm. The positivity about myself comes and goes. I have my inner demons. I don't ever mirror other people's actions. I am myself, but being myself gets me hurt a lot, so like you I am withdrawn.

    Society sets forth a proper way to act. It has been ingrained into us since Puritan times.

    I think I have positive virtues - many in fact. But I also think there are plenty of flaws to balance that out.

    That was an emotional moment for me though. One couldn't really have 'logicked' me out of it.
  11. Deety

    Deety Well-Known Member

    I am glad you are feeling a bit better and can see you have many positive virtues. I believe I am an awful unlikeable person about 95% of the time. Occasionally I feel like that might not be entirely true, but it doesn't last long.
  12. moxman

    moxman I am proud to call Rosie, my best friend =) Forum Pro

    Not at all, it shows that you are unique, and a very strong person that does not follow society's norm.

    I really like the way you explain things. It shows me that you are a very smart person. You are a very passionate person.

    I wish you the best.

    If you ever need to chat, you know how to find me.

    I care for you Brit.

    Take Care
  13. Brittless

    Brittless All I loved I loved alone...

    Thank you, you guys have made me smile and that is quite a feat. @Deety sorry you feel that way but I have to say from what I know and have seen from you, you are exactly the type of person I like.

    @moxman thank you. Your words always manage to pull me through to a brighter side of things.
  14. calvinandhobbs

    calvinandhobbs Well-Known Member

    I hope you have a good evening , I think you're kinda nice. :)
    Brittless likes this.
  15. Brittless

    Brittless All I loved I loved alone...

    Likewise. :)
  16. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    FWIW,I think you are a lovely intelligent woman, don't let anyone (even yourself) tell you any different. We're all human, we all make mistakes etc... but I have to disagree I do not think you are ugly inside. I've seen you support people many times here and in the chat room, you my dear are a gem :)
    Brittless and Witty_Sarcasm like this.