i am an idiot.

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by thedeafmusician, Sep 8, 2008.

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  1. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    what else is there to describe it? who is dumb enough to cut at school? seriously. i need to stop doing that. =.=

    and it's two and a half weeks out the window. what the fuck is wrong with me? i used to not blink at the thought of not being able to cut for months on end, but now i'm struggling to even manage two measly weeks. arrrgh.
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Is something particular happening, like some new stress etc ?

    Anyways :hug:
  3. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    There is a reason for everything.
    You're not cutting because you're an idiot. You must have a reason. If there were no reason to cut, you wouldn't do it. So don't be so hard on yourself. You're not a bad person, or a stupid person for doing what you do, you are just someone who is having trouble.
  4. HappyAZaClaM

    HappyAZaClaM Guest

    >>I am an idiot<<

    yeah well, theres a lot of that going around. i am pretty much a certified idiot
    my own self. for different reasons, I guess. yes, stop cutting yourself
    at school, or anywhere else. life is shit and none of us is going to change
    that fact. BUT, that doesn't mean you can't get on with it. so, get on with it.
    life I mean. as in long, and generally not much fun. it's in the DNA.
    not your fault or anyone elses. it was meant to be a pile of misery.
    write a song or something :)

    stop hurting yourself. it solves nothing, am I right?
    really, do nut cut. say that 100 times :tongue:
  5. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    I'm an idiot too then. (When I was in school, I did).

    What triggered you into doing it hun? :hug:
  6. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Hey Tdm,

    Things happen in life that make it seem so unbearable you have to find a way to cope or elleviate the stress. You're way of getting past it or through it is by cutting. There are healthier ways but cutting does not make you an idiot, it makes me realize you're hurting and in pain. I'm sorry that you are feeling so down and so low. Don't worry about your mistakes. You can get back on the horse and go longer than two weeks.

    I'm around if you want/need to talk.

  7. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    TDM, 2 1/2 weeks is great. :yes: And it's okay that you slipped up, we all do, going for that long just means you can go even longer in the future. I'm around, dude. Just PM me or whatever if you need anything. :hug:
  8. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    lmao. i take it the typo is accidental, but it made me giggle anyways.

    anyway in reply to everyone else... well i dont know. things are actually okish, so i don't know why i'm cutting more than usual. nothing's really going on at home. i mean... its a major breakthrough: my parents are able to have a decent conversation without fighting. or maybe its the lack of fighting that's getting to me. i dont know. but im not used to it, and its freaking me out, because i sit here all the time waiting for it to blow up again, and it never does. but ten bucks that as soon as i accept that things can be fine, they'll start up again. it always is.

    I'm a double idiot though: my english teacher is fully aware of the fact that i currently cut AND that i did it in the middle of class. but she's not telling anyone, wtf?! :unsure:

    i need to be more careful. i prolly wont be as lucky next time. i almost got busted today during cadets when we had to roll up our sleeves for a parade, but thankfully i only had one cut on my arm and it looked semi-accidental. i have to stop again. its only a matter of time until i get caught and my parents told if i don't.
  9. jam1e

    jam1e Guest

    I used to cut quite regular and have had several surgical repairs.
    I think people self harm for all sorts of reasons.
    I used to cut as seeing the blood made me feel like all the problems were draining away, a sort of self release.
    I haven't done it for a while, but still get the urge.
  10. purplefizz

    purplefizz Senior Member

    Ooh, pick me!

    I actually did it today. I try not to make a habit of it (why would I want to?), but it happens more than I'd like. Something usually triggers me and I can't stop thinking about sharp objects. I NEED to do it. I can't think about anything but self injury. I retreat to the bathroom and use a utensil (won't say what it is). It makes me feel better though and I have the adrenaline rush by next class. I am afraid of going too deep and not having a way to control it. I feel like an idiot, too, but I feel so compulsed it's hard to not give in.

    I hope you'll be able to control your self injury problem :hug:
  11. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    just because you made a mistake doesn't make you an idiot. we all have areas of weaknesses. no one is perfect and has it together in all aspects of their life. just start over.
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