I Am As Close Now As I Ever Have Been

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Godsdrummer, Aug 3, 2009.

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  1. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    This is starting to get real, and scary.

    I dunno, maybe I should just become celibate. Maybe I should just become homeless.

    I have been projecting bigtime lately.

    Sure I still have my g/f. But the truth is that while I love her, there is no way we are going to be able to make a 500 mile relationship work.
    If I have a woman in my life, I need to be with her. As often as possible.

    And now I find myself in financial ruin. I am behind on my bills, my car is still a piece of crap, and I am only going to run the debt higher this week as I will have to run the a/c. You should see the meter spin when the a/c is on. You can cut diamonds with it.

    I still have my bronchitis. And I still drink from time to time.
    I saw a video of my performance at church yesterday and I look like a beached whale.

    I did step 3 of AA, which is turning it over to God, and I want to let Him drive for awhile, but I am also very, very, very tired.

    I am tired of working 60 hours a week and having no money to show for it.
    I am tired of worrying about shit that is out of my control.

    When I saw the house that my wife was moving into it made me feel worse. It was ok (mentally) for me when she was living in a shit apartment, as I was doing the same.

    Now...I feel even worse. Life's challenges are becoming wwwaaaaaaayyyy too much for me.

    I really should just give in.
  2. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    hey there ..
    i didnt realise u were in AA .. i probably should be there myself ..
    have u tried sharing these thoughts in a meeting?. it could help ..
    i hope u dont give in .. u mean alot 2 ppl here ..

  3. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    Bill :hug:
  4. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    :hug: i know things can get on top of you and it may seem like the only way out
    but there are things that you can do and ways you can get help so you can manage :smile:
    please stick with us hun, and we'll try and help
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