i am at risk

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Caos, Mar 23, 2012.

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  1. Caos

    Caos Active Member

    i dont forget having that urge not leaving room for other thoughts but suicide. I should be greatful for all i have, so little as it is. I should be glad to have a son and a grandauther but that is not enough to keep me fighting. Er was full so sent away with a pill to sleep it off. Asked to be followed by psy yet there is a three months waiting list. I need help yesterday and offered it in a no soon prescription, i have all i need to commit. I havnt seen a notary to fill out a testament to protect my son from unwelcome hassle or else. Last thing to bbe done either legallly or to leave a letter to be found at my side and handed to him

    You dont know me yet i am new here. I am 52, widow, lost my job monday wiihtout reasons, just needed my job for her sister who had separated.. so much for thank you.. worthless i feel, no aim, no nothing... my son doesnt understand mental illess and lives abroad so cant count on him for any help at all. Other than that i am in the middle of a disfunctional family fight over a successsion. Wish that was finished so i could leave knowing my son will get that money so i guess i must fight till then but the urge is getting into me as soon as i open my eyes and stops when pills put me out for the night.

    I rather be with my husband and parents than burden myself iwth this no life. I`ve got a close sister but cant even metion suicide to her, she would just freak on me and close the door as she cant handle it, she is too fragile and needs stability so off i am alone and the only friend i have in life htat is not abroad has separated from her hubby suffering mental illness so again that is a no way talking to her about my deep feelings. Good for a chat or coffee but we dont get into deep matters.

    I am on my own and my `own` is off....... just wish i had fixed everythig so i wouldnt leave any problems to my son otherwise i`d off tonight without remorse.

    Anyone fighting daily the urge to off oneself? if so help me and tell me what helps you if at all... thanks for reading that far.

    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 24, 2012
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Caos you say your sister is fragile what happens when you leave who will pick up the pieces for her I stay i fight ever day the want to leave because i too have a sister icannot destroy by leaving I have children too who i will not destroy by teaching them suicide is the answer. Iam sorry the hospital did nothing for you last night you need to go to a different hospital then go see a different doctor talk to crisis and get help for YOU Just because one doctor decided to do nothing does not mean another will. You go back to hospital and tell them your lost of job your ideas your plans your thoughts and tell them if you do not get help as of NOW you will end you life They will have to give you help if they don't they you go to another hospital until you get it Do not pass on this illness to others okay you know how much pain and sadness you have inside you don't pass it on get help show your son and grandchild that the way to cope is to keep fighting for the help that is there and that you deserve.
  3. Caos

    Caos Active Member

    there is only one hospital here and i did go back later and was told to come monday morning for an evaluation. Think that will pass leaving me alone on my own that long? no hun, i do not wish to destry anyone but no one seems to understand the state of mind in which i find myself. Its not just a tought that comes and goes, its been there for months ad have fought it till now. My son knows have been fighting for years my ilness so it wouldnt come as a surprise but still would hurt the loss and my sister is depressive and do not want to be near anyone that is not cheerful and happy. It `démoralize`her she said... and at my try to talk to her she raised her hand and said.. stop it right there! out of question to talk to anyone about it... and when i finally try to get help, i am turn down by the ER. Will make the steps to ensure my son is legally covered by a will then i am off. Cant take more of this :(
  4. Caos

    Caos Active Member

    i forgot, tomorrow is his birthday, got to resist ong enough not to spoil his time. will take soem pills and sleep it off a few hours so i can hadle the rest of the day, that`s bs!
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    WEll hun you know when that happens i get angry and i go back and i would stay there until you do get help Monday they have no right to make you wait that long IF you say you are immediate danger those words they will have to hospitalize you Making a plan they know you will not do anything until that plan is done that is why they keep putting you off hun
    You go back and tell them if you donnot get help today you will kill yourself they cannot release you because you are immediate danger to you then. I know it hurts when your sister does that i do but she is protecting herself from harm hun she cannot deal with the pain inside. If you leave please hun know you will not be leaving alone you will taking others with you their pain will also overide their thoughts and they will also want to leave YOU are important and you deserve that help so if you have to go back a third fourth fifth time you go back and you don'' tlet them sent you away You let them hear you loud and clear that you will harm you if you are not hospitalized that moment hugs
  6. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Caos - please PM me and we can talk in depth, if you'd like to. It is good that you have found this site because there are very caring people here who will spend the time and listen to you. I understand how it is to be in a frame of mind where you know there is no one who can understand. But the fact of the matter is, that's not really true, as much as it appears true to us who are in it. Blessings and strength to you, You Are Precious
  7. Caos

    Caos Active Member

    total eclipse another sister came to check on me today and she did make a call at the ER and they are full,, she was told that if she felt i was in danger to try an hospital in a near by location out of this town that they are full this weekend. so good for help, she stayed with me and left me when she felt i have calmed down some. she will check on me in couple weeks as she doesnt live here. so for couple weeks none will check to see if i a m alive or not. i dont know how i wil survive the night, i took medication to sleep and didnt overdue it this time but dont want to use the stack i have made as i wll need it soon and sure dont want to miss my shot. it has to work! if none care then why bother now :(
  8. Caos

    Caos Active Member

    p.s. about the other sister, you are right though, she is protecting herself feeling weak and preserving the little energies she has to live and raise her two boys on her own so i understand her yt it doesnt help me one bit... i keep all inside and it will blow off soon but none will be here to hear me out. off for tonight, time for me to get some rest, have a shi..t load to face monday and tuesday. legal thing to take care of. good night and thanks for yoru replies and support, i got more here in a day than in weeks fighint the system.
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