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I am awful, a rant to myself


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Why are you like this Alex?? You have something good and you seem intent on ruining it.

But I can't help myself. I don't want to hurt my bf, but I can't stop thinking about A either. I like the attention and the thrill. I would never cheat though, ever but I already feel unfaithful texting A.

Why oh why am I like this???
It's probably part of the diagnosis. I also think that, there's an element of self-destructiveness to it, my-self. So, if you eliminate that (the attention & the thrill...) perhaps some of that goes away as well --the excitement in "intellectually cheating," or being unfaithful on some level: however big or small you'd care to make it is up to you (& in part, He as well; as in the bf!). ; ) But, all is not lost... You've recognized it: so, now it's just up to you on how you'd wish to deal with it. For example, if your bf knew - & was cool - then what would you do? I'd imagine he wouldn't be overly enthusiastic about this, but only you would know for sure / or best! Again, it all comes back to - do you like this guy you're texting better? (In other words, would you do a trade / swap -- upgrade if you could. . . at the snap of a..?) Then you might want to consider the steps necessary to undertake that process. Otherwise, maybe this is something a therapist could address (or a good friend you can trust?). Now me, I'm weird, and I don't know how many would fall into this category; but if I had a gf... I'd almost prefer she just cheated & instantly regretted it (than engaged in a lengthy verbal intimate dialogue of deep substance that derived or gave her great infinite pleasure: you know, the kind that I could not provide! :) ). . . Anyway! I wish you well with whatever you decide.

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