Hi Ticia
im glad your back but im really sorry your feeling so bad.i could really hear the emotional pain in your post.i dont really know your story but im always here and willing to listen either on the forum and/or via private messaging/email if you prefer.You say in your post you had a worker previously and im wondering what type of worker that was?ANd also why they left you?Please never feel you have to answer any of my questions [either the ones above or ones to follow] if you dont feel comfortable,dont want to or dont feel upto it or whatever but also i was just wondering perhaps if at some point you may want to say a bit more about whats made you feel so bad,whats made you feel like doing what you are to yourself?ANd has anything specific happened recently to make you feel worse?THere is never any pressure to talk here so please dont feel intimidated or anything by me but i just thought that perhaps it some point it may help you to get more out and i just wanted to let you know i am always here for you.You sound in a lot of emotional pain and obviously from your post i am also concerned for your physical health too.im worried aobut you and it would always be good to hear from you.im not gonna lecture you on what your doing as i have no right to do that and also i harm myself in other ways too so id be at the least a bit of a hypocrite to do so But please think about both the risks of what you are doing,why you are feeling so bad about yourself and if this is really what you want for yourself.You sound so unhappy and i wish i could do more for you but i am here.Finally a last question before i shut up [spologies cos i probalby should have done that ages ago and this reply has probably been little use to you] but i was thinking and wondering how you managed to stop before?How your worker and/or you managed to stop you?im just wondering if thinking about that may give you some ideas on dealing with this again this time to keep yourself as safe as possible and also perhaps to give you a little more hope back.It sounds like you could do with feeling some hope inside right now though i know its not always the easiest thing to get.i really hope you can get some of the support,friendship and hope you need here and it is good to see you back on the site.Please keep coming back if it helps.
Please take care
kath
PS Sorry i think i forgot to ask if although i know your worker has now left you is there anyone else around you who can offer support or anyone you may be able to consider approaching to ask for this?ANyone you trust,like and know enough to talk to?Sorry for all the questions!You just seem so alone and i want to help but i know im not managing really.Sorry!