I am broken. ive given in

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by firehawk1, Feb 27, 2010.

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  1. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    some may know that I am facing criminal proceedings from my ex partner whom I loved so much, for something I did not do all because of a bad unfortunate breakup of a relationship which was her fault (im being honest here, i dont blame or put the blame on anyone).

    Anyway, being the strong positive person I was and doing everything myself, bringing myself up from the ground, even after getting knocked down constantly by people especially women, i still somehow managed to pull myself up (I shouldnt need to do this).

    I then found the woman of my dreams. you have no idea how wonderful it was.

    STILL grieving for her, and trying to be strong to win the case, i have given in. I only have a VERY short time before the trial and I have decided to just plead guilty to something i did not do at all and that the allegation in question is so horrendous, so common and so unreal. Why? I just cannot be bothered anymore all because of her. after all, women do win (I dont mean to sound sexist or anything, im just being honest from my experience).

    I have always been put down because of race, age, the way i look and so on..... i shouldnt need that or suffer but i do and comments mainly come from women. But one thing MUST be made clear, I have ALWAYS respected women and go the extra mile for them.

    After all, women give the birth of life, they nurture us etc.... and that is a unique thing :)

    I bailed her out from being evicted with her kids.
    I helped her friend who was having trouble from her kids' bullies, I stopped it and got racist remarks thrown at me instead.
    I took care of her when she got submitted to the hospital
    I ran around for her making sure she got everything she needed.
    I took her "home" when she got discharged
    I took her back to the hospital when she was suffering severe pains and called an ambulance.
    I made very good impressions when seeing her parents (which was FAR too soon but i never bailed out)
    I helped her when she was being put down by the ex husband over the phone, and otherwise
    I was supporting her when she was going through tough times with her son
    I helped her financialy in many ways even though I was out of work due to the recession.
    I gave her an eternity ring, something we BOTH discussed and thought it would be right as its the way we feel about each other

    and the thanks I get is this allegation, all because she was contacting some guy she had a one night fling with and this is a mom of 2. I explained that these are the reasons why relationships fail - there is no need for this at all and she understood. But she continued to add strain to the relationship and my "attitude" if you like is, just to walk away, go home, reflect on things, think about things, wonder what I have done wrong to deserve this and so on. But she always said that she loves me and that its not my fault at all, im always a person who is VERY open minded and always wants to improve, to become better and to stand for the rights

    Anyway, im just.... lost. I have this to deal with and then the recent death of my father. I just dont care. she has broken the strong man that once was - everyone who knows me, even my landlord/landlady say to me that im broken, they dont recognise me. brings tears to my eyes it REALLY does.

    I havent even been able to smile since last year because of all this. im so scared, so so scared. its like im not allowed to tell the truth that exists but shut up, put up and let everyone throw me around everywhere and suffer.

    :( IM SO SO SORRY folks.
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Wow, what a lot you're going through. I'm so sorry about your dad.

    Firstly, if you are not guilty, then do not plead guilty and fight for your innocence. Do you have a good lawyer?

    Do you want to tell us the truth that you feel you're not allowed to tell people?

    It's so hard when you get so much crap thrown at you, and yes, it does take its tolls on you. You can move forward from this though, just one minute at a time, one baby step after another.

    Do you have anyone in real life who is supportive?
  3. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    scum: Thanks for your valuable time and reading my post. I appreciate it.
    do I have good lawyers? No. why? They are funded by the government and they are just a "high street" firm.
    Do I have anyone in real life who is supportive? No. just me on my own, as always as no one wants to get involved in anything but themselves unfortunately. :(
  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    You sound so isolated and alone, no wonder you're finding it hard to fight. Have you looked into support groups or anything in your area (these are generally free and can provide a great support network)? Or maybe a therapist or something?

    That's a shame about the lawyer, has s/he suggested you plead guilty?
  5. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    thanks again.

    There are no support groups either. as for theropy, I would have to pay for it but have no money however, I am a professional person that is also a life mentor. (oh, the irony!). I can deal with things but this is just a life/death thing for me if found guilty.
    i cant take the risk, may as well mess up my whole life because of that woman.

    it means:

    my business must cease immediately
    the company whom I always wanted to work for and do from time to time, will have to resign from
    the global awards I won for my achievements, professionalism and being an evanglist will be stripped
    the music producing/DJ'ing I do internationally will also be affected

    lawyer has said nothing. they arent that great. im just coming to my own conclusions as no one wants to listen but instead point fingers and just defend women. I agree and sympathise with REAL victims, but this was a setup and she is NOT a victim she is claiming out to be.

    she has been through far worse (ex husband beating her up all the time, a police officer she used to be with cheated on her with her best friend and ran off and caused her life hell) and she did nothing about it. And now, all because of a bad breakup because of her friends fueling her lies etc.... i get a criminal case against me?
  6. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    If its a matter of life or death if you are found guilty, then don't plead guilty.

    Can I ask, is this a sexual assault case?

    I wonder if somehow she is taking her anger at her ex partners out on you, and somehow she feels this could bring justice or something like that. That's very twisted, and not obviously fair, but possible.

    Are you in the UK?
  7. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    yes im in the uk and yes she is taking it out all on me because of yet another failed relationship of her wrong doing. and yes, it is a sexual matter along with another matter
  8. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Have you tried the CAB? I'm also wondering if there are any charities in the UK could that could potentially help you in some way.
  9. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    thanks buddy. CAB can't do anything, its all going through the proceedings and all they will say, like everyone is.... if i have a solicitor and if so, speak to them. but i cant get a hold of them really and they havent given me much confidence.
  10. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    hmm, that's tough. I've located a list of all the charities in the UK (this is a big list) and was trawling thorugh looking for one who can support people who have been falsely accused or people who have been accused of what you have been, but so far, I haven't found anything.
  11. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    thanks for your help on that. havent found anything for the UK? Sounds about right.... the way the laws are and the government.
  12. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

  13. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Ok, I can't find anything using the obvious search options, but you may be able to given you can use more exact terms. I know you are not an offender, so don't take offense, but I wonder if you could contact people like these and explain your situation and ask if they know of any charities or organisations who can help you through this. They may know of something.

    This is NACRO http://www.nacro.org.uk/header/contact-us.html

    And this is Crime Concern http://www.crimereduction.homeoffice.gov.uk/activecommunities/activecommunities19.htm

    I'm thinking that you lose nothing by asking?
  14. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    sure i understand. i will try but i know for a fact there is no support for false allegations made as the "defender" is a "criminal" regardless. so so stupid. so so stupid.

    but thanks, im going to take a look at them.

    i still feel as i should plead guilty for something i did not do. it is making me sick so so much.
  15. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    and just now going to the airport to catch my flight back home and my aunt was dropping me off, got pulled over by the police as I was not wearing a seatbelt and got fined. very nice. its like the police just want to grab me all the time now - ive done nothing wrong.
    already struggling with money..... jeez.
  16. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    That's very unfortunate.

    Why do you feel you need to plead guilty?
  17. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    wow guy...i'm here for ya. i know exactly what you are going through. i just went through court stuff over last year and it just ended on jan 29th of this year. although i did not face the same charges..i had been charged with six felonies...i was facing up to 60yrs in prison and up to $600,000 in fines...i had tried to do something nice for a guy and it turned out it was a scam...unfortunately this guy that got me into all this trouble was shot and killed by his local police in aug which meant i was without a doubt going to be charged with something...after all they couldn't go after him anymore...i too was totally and completely innocent...i know all too well the horror and the gravity of this type of circumstance...it is a total and complete nightmare...i ended up being hospitalized about four times during the court proceedings from all of the stress.. when being charged with so many felonies the chances of walking away without any are slim to none...anyways i was fortunate enough to walk out of the court room that day...i ended up being charged with one misdemeanor and unsupervised probation, but i do have to pay back all the money this guy got....

    i'll tell you what...when i was in that situation the only one i felt i could turn to and trust to help me in the situation was God. i needed his help here. so i began to go through the Bible and find any encouraging verse i could and i would write them out on 3x5 cards and i put them all over my house so i could remember them...i started praying again and went back to church...i happen to believe that it was only by the grace of God that i made it through that whole ordeal as well as i did...

    i'm sorry you are going through all of this...it's just not right at all...do they have proof against you to prove their case beyond a reasonable doubt...here in the states that's how it works...i don't know about where you are...that's why i ask..i totally believe you are innocent so it may sound strange that i ask that question, but like i said here in the states they have to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that you are guilty in order to be convicted of what you're charged....

    my heart goes out to ya guy..it really does and if you ever want to talk about those feelings that go along with what one goes through during all the court crap my pm box is always open...i really hope and pray that this will work out for you...i will keep you in my prayers...you know in my situation i had to prove my innocence and the only proof i could find to help there was my journal...i would just try to encourage you to try to find anything you can to prove your innocence cause if it works there anything like it does here if someone presses charges and they're proved to be false then that person is then charged with filing a false report and that carries a pretty huge penalty here for doing that including jail time...

    anyways, i've probably gabbed your ear off enough right now...just remember we do care and we'll help you the best we can to walk through this, and please keep in mind you can always pm me whenever you want..i'm usually on a few times a day so i would probably get back to you pretty quickly...please take care...and please continue to try to pursue some legal help there has got to be something out there...i pray you will find it...take care
  18. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    thanks rhinolady. sorry to hear about your situation.
    the reason I want to plead guilty is just to get it over and done with, give women/her what she wants and ruin my life. thats what she wants, so why not? i always get kicked down or used and abused as and when required by people especially women....so obviously, im a form of a mistake.

    there is no way they are going to drop the case, thats for sure.

    I am based in the UK and there is a "prove beyond reasonable doubt" thing but no one really thinks about that. all they care about is that its a woman....and thats it. and with the things she has said, of course, its going to go in her favor.
  19. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    If you plead guilty, you will obviously be found guilty and convicted of something you didn't do, it will follow you for the rest of your life. Everywhere you go. Why does she deserve that?

    If you are innocent I mean in general terms there, not doubting you) then you need to fight for that innocence to be recognised. If it goes to court then her story wil be pulled apart because it will be a lie, and that will be shown.

    Also, I have to be honest, the UK has a very low rate of convictions in these cases generally.
  20. firehawk1

    firehawk1 Well-Known Member

    there maybe a low rate but...i will be a part of that rate that gets convicted. her story no doubt will be pulled apart but all down to the jury and performance of the prosecuting barrister. if found guilty after the trial, sentencing will be much harsher and again, a record for the rest of my life.
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