some may know that I am facing criminal proceedings from my ex partner whom I loved so much, for something I did not do all because of a bad unfortunate breakup of a relationship which was her fault (im being honest here, i dont blame or put the blame on anyone). Anyway, being the strong positive person I was and doing everything myself, bringing myself up from the ground, even after getting knocked down constantly by people especially women, i still somehow managed to pull myself up (I shouldnt need to do this). I then found the woman of my dreams. you have no idea how wonderful it was. STILL grieving for her, and trying to be strong to win the case, i have given in. I only have a VERY short time before the trial and I have decided to just plead guilty to something i did not do at all and that the allegation in question is so horrendous, so common and so unreal. Why? I just cannot be bothered anymore all because of her. after all, women do win (I dont mean to sound sexist or anything, im just being honest from my experience). I have always been put down because of race, age, the way i look and so on..... i shouldnt need that or suffer but i do and comments mainly come from women. But one thing MUST be made clear, I have ALWAYS respected women and go the extra mile for them. After all, women give the birth of life, they nurture us etc.... and that is a unique thing I bailed her out from being evicted with her kids. I helped her friend who was having trouble from her kids' bullies, I stopped it and got racist remarks thrown at me instead. I took care of her when she got submitted to the hospital I ran around for her making sure she got everything she needed. I took her "home" when she got discharged I took her back to the hospital when she was suffering severe pains and called an ambulance. I made very good impressions when seeing her parents (which was FAR too soon but i never bailed out) I helped her when she was being put down by the ex husband over the phone, and otherwise I was supporting her when she was going through tough times with her son I helped her financialy in many ways even though I was out of work due to the recession. I gave her an eternity ring, something we BOTH discussed and thought it would be right as its the way we feel about each other and the thanks I get is this allegation, all because she was contacting some guy she had a one night fling with and this is a mom of 2. I explained that these are the reasons why relationships fail - there is no need for this at all and she understood. But she continued to add strain to the relationship and my "attitude" if you like is, just to walk away, go home, reflect on things, think about things, wonder what I have done wrong to deserve this and so on. But she always said that she loves me and that its not my fault at all, im always a person who is VERY open minded and always wants to improve, to become better and to stand for the rights Anyway, im just.... lost. I have this to deal with and then the recent death of my father. I just dont care. she has broken the strong man that once was - everyone who knows me, even my landlord/landlady say to me that im broken, they dont recognise me. brings tears to my eyes it REALLY does. I havent even been able to smile since last year because of all this. im so scared, so so scared. its like im not allowed to tell the truth that exists but shut up, put up and let everyone throw me around everywhere and suffer. IM SO SO SORRY folks.