I Am Broken

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by x BrokenBabydoll x, Feb 3, 2010.

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  1. x BrokenBabydoll x

    x BrokenBabydoll x Well-Known Member

    Im going crazy i am i am i am going crazy i need help i need to be in hospital before i hurt myself i need to i do i do i do. I have given myself until the 1st of march to live my aborted babys due date but i cant make it that far i dont think i will die on his or her birthday if i can hold on until that day i dont think i can though im going to die tonight i think think think i cant hold hold hold onto life anymore i want it gone i killed him or her i killed my baby my child my baby my baby my baby help me please help me i want to be with my baby

    do you think they will forgive me for murdering them will my baby forgive me will he or she love me

    help me i need to be safe safe safe safe safe safe and im not not not not not not i need to die die die die die die die die die help please somebody anybody anyone someone anyone please please please help my heads breaking im going nuts i am nuts im fucked please help me please im sorry please im sorry sorry sorry please help me
  2. ghazi

    ghazi Well-Known Member

    First of all, take deep breaths. breathe in for 5 seconds, hold it for 10, breathe out for 5 seconds. do this 3 times. drink a glass of water; im serious. it helps you think clearly.

    Now, you want to be with your baby. I understand. You sound like you greatly regret the abortion (if i am understanding you correctly). The only way you can try to make things right with YOURSELF is to continue living. You need to continue on, so that you are able to help yourself. What's done is done, we all make mistakes. It is impossibly difficult, but you MUST move on before it destroys you.

    Remember, deep breaths. Sit down on a couch, close your eyes, breathe deeply. put some quiet music on if it helps. just keep doing this until you feel like you are back in control, at least a little bit.

    I'm praying for you...
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey how hard for you I am sorry you are suffering so. I think you should go to hospital okay just to talk to a crisis person there The will help you see you did what you did because at the time you had no other options open to you. Please know that no one judges you for anything You had to survive. Now if you cannot calm down on your own go and get help okay maybe the doctor in emergency can give you something to help calm your nerves. Please you reached out here reach out again and go to hospital and talk to someone or just phone crisis line talk okay. Get some grief councilling to help you as well. You did what was necessary at the time.
  4. rsand

    rsand Member

    You are not broken, take a minute step back slow down. Have a good cry to burn off some of that energy that's been built up.

    Call somebody to hear a voice so you know your not alone, you are in my thoughts and prayers. :hug: <<<----make it a point to get one today for as long as you can.
  5. x BrokenBabydoll x

    x BrokenBabydoll x Well-Known Member

    I cant cry. I called a friend and he's here now but i didnt say i was upset im fake happy. And i am officially crazy even though i know im doing this i cant stop doing it, i keep wrapping up a doll in a blanket and carrying it around and talking to it and singing and i knwo its wrong but i need it to keep going. I keep her hidden normally but today for some reason i just brought her downstairs and told the two people who were here i just said do you like my baby and now they think im nuts but i cant be nuts because i know deep down that shes not my real child but i still cant stop doing it. I cant go to hospital tonight i will talk to whoevers around here if i need to though i still plan to kill myself end of on he 1st of march. I would be 36 weeks and 2 days pregnant today. And I am crazy and broken.
  6. ghazi

    ghazi Well-Known Member

    no. tell your friends what is going on. If they are really your friends, then they will instantly understand. You need to go to a hospital ASAP, prefebly a few days ago. Tell your friends, and they will at the very least help you through tonight.
  7. x BrokenBabydoll x

    x BrokenBabydoll x Well-Known Member

    I cant tell them. I hurt everywhere. I want to cry and I want to talk but I cant make myself do either. Fake fake fake got to fake my way through until I can be alone and die die ddddiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeee :'( I want my baby.
  8. ghazi

    ghazi Well-Known Member

    maybe you dont need to talk. write it down on a piece of paper and give it to them and then leave right away, or send them an email, text, anything. It's ok to be impersonal at this point. After all, you are HERE, aren't you? just somehow let them know, safely, that you need their help
  9. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I am sorry you lost your baby. It must hurt like hell.
  10. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    we are here for you. please let us help.
  11. ghazi

    ghazi Well-Known Member

  12. x BrokenBabydoll x

    x BrokenBabydoll x Well-Known Member

    Im broken inside i dont want to live finding it hard to communicate and now my friend wants to talk to me cuz she thinks there's something wrong but I know i wont be able to tell her the truth. I am broken badly so fucked up so badly just cant take it anymore want to be with my baby.
  13. ghazi

    ghazi Well-Known Member

    you MUST tell her the truth!!! either in person, on paper, anything! Let her help you! you would not be here if you, deep down, did not want help! TELL HER, DO IT NOW!

    You dont even need to say anything...just show her this screen...show her that you are crying out for help. You dont need to talk, just bring her over to the screen or take the laptop to her, whichever is possible.

    pax tecum, mea amica
  14. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your child, it can't be easy having to deal with that. However, you're still very much here and can turn your life around. I'm sure your baby is safe and sound up in heaven right now and doesn't want his/her mum joining them anytime soon. You can still have more children, more babies. You can put it right and make things better. Just try and get help to sort your life out. :hug:
  15. x BrokenBabydoll x

    x BrokenBabydoll x Well-Known Member

    I told her a little bit. I said how I felt I was just going crazy inside and about substituting my aborted baby with the doll, and also about how i feel like hurting myself badly or asking someone to break my arm for me and she now really does think im nuts. But somehow I still dont feel safe, Everyone's off too bed now and Im going to be alone all night, I cant even come on here because it's my friends laptop so she wants it for the night im going to be completely alone just me and my doll and noone else nothing im alone alone alone im dangerous i cant be alone i will hurt myself i will die or at least be well on my way to dead im not safe help someone help but no one will come im alone all night long and long is the fucking word I dont want to be alone all night im alone and im fucking dangerous to myself im cracking up i cant handle being alone all night im scared
  16. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    You really should get yourself to a hospital and seek help there. You won't be alone and you won't be a danger to yourself there. They can help you, but you have to help yourself first by going there.
  17. ghazi

    ghazi Well-Known Member

    call a crisis line. they will talk to you as long as you need them
  18. flyingdutchmen

    flyingdutchmen Well-Known Member

    there must be a reason for you talking to us here so i guess you do need help and are in search for it. we can only do so much for you here it will not be enough. you MUST ASAP find help either FRIENDS/FAMILY and/or PROFESSIONAL right away and start speaking to people. this is not the time to stop speaking and being afraid this is the time to seek help. you can not be helped if you do not allow any help. i regret what happend to you i am very very sorry for you loss but please make sure that you are safe and FIND HELP ASAP.no matter what you need to do just do it girl even if you need to call 911 DO IT
  19. ghazi

    ghazi Well-Known Member

    I hope you are still with us...
  20. x BrokenBabydoll x

    x BrokenBabydoll x Well-Known Member

    Just about finding it hard to communicate sorry
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