I am but a son of God, who didn't receive his protection ...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lilodian4ever, Oct 28, 2012.

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  1. lilodian4ever

    lilodian4ever Account Closed

    ... when I needed it most. I died more than 12 years ago, when the devil built his home inside me. I've tried so many things to try and keep him at bay. Only one of those things worked, but an injury put a permanent end to that coping mechanism.

    Halloween is coming ... hmmmmmm ... I've heard that spiritual activity increases on the night of Halloween, and feel like it might be a great day to have myself exorcized and drive the demon out. I've never tried an exorcism before; this will be my first time. I hope I'll have better luck than Anneliese Michel.

    I want to be in God's arms, forever, where the demons can't get to me. That's all I want. Is this too much to ask for ?
     
  2. bearclaw27

    bearclaw27 Member

    What was the thing that worked? What was the injury? How are they connected?
     
  3. lilodian4ever

    lilodian4ever Account Closed

    Hi bearclaw,

    The thing that worked was being a fitness freak. To be more specific, lifting weights 7 times a week, practicing martial arts (Kenpo) 3 to 4 times a week, swimming 4 to 5 times a week, hiking once or twice a week, and time allowing, some running and cycling. My diet was surgically precise down to the grams of my macronutrients. I had dreams of being a fitness trainer, of pushing myself to the absolute limits of physical pain and challenges, so as to distract myself from the enormous and unbearable emotional pain. I wanted to push my body so hard that I would one day break in two ... I didn't care. I wanted to stay active and on my toes (keep dancing, as some would put it) till death hit me, without me worrying about irrational desires like relationships, marriage, or anything like that. One of the best aspects of exercise is that it is 100% dependent on YOU and YOU ALONE.

    It was put to an end by me lifting heavy weights with improper technique, and suffering a herniated disk in the process. Subsequently, I've been to plenty of quacks who didn't do a damn thing to help (including surgery), and am still fighting my insurance company for claims.

    It helped me cope like you wouldn't believe. Exercise has enormous health benefits (physical and psychological). Not to mention, when you look good, you feel good as a result.

    Hope I made sense.
     
  4. bearclaw27

    bearclaw27 Member

    I have had a similar experience...I used to snowboard, mountain bike, and i was a 4 handicap golfer.. 10 yrs ago, I was in a car accident, and it ruptured disks in my neck...I have had several surgeries which have only worstened my pain...I recently started hiking again, and i think its helping my body and mind..

    It sounds like you are a person who really dedicated yourself to physical fitness...I sense that you must now give equal dedication to you mental and emotional fitness..

    Also, is there any type of physical activity you can do now..?
     
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