I am concerned about my step-sister

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by K-LogZ, Jul 30, 2007.

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  1. K-LogZ

    K-LogZ New Member

    Some Background:
    I am 22 and not living with my family anymore. My mom died when I was 11 and my father maried a new woman. She brought 3 Children into the mariage, of what the youngest appears to be my step-sister, she is 15.

    When I visited them last week I went into the room of my sister and found a suicide letter on her desk, with the standard sentences like: "It doesn't make any sense anymore" and the like.

    About my sister:
    She kind of is into emo stuff, which I think is more a cry for attention, just like the sucide note ( no offense if anyone emo reads this, just respect my opinion and I won't judge your lifestyle ).

    My question is:
    I don't think she would put a serious suicide note on her desk and then walk away with everyone to see it, if she is really thinking about killing herself she would be more subtile.
    I want to know from people who REALLY know what they are talking about:
    If she gets more wrapped up in the whole thing, what are the signs I should look out for, how can I talk to her about it and in which way can I help.

    IMPORTANT: Don't try to tell me what to do if you have no clue yourself.
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Quite frankly I'd take a head on approach. I'd say I'd seen the letter and was extremly worried for her.
    Be kind and caring and react as if you are taking it seriously (even if your not) if she thinks you are not taking it seriously she will just clam up.
    Obviously something isnt right in her life, get her sharing so you can assess the situation properly.

    Hope that helps hun.
  3. K-LogZ

    K-LogZ New Member

    I know what's not right in her life, i've been there myself and managed to get out of it, but the answers I found on the way are not the ones somebody wants to hear in this situation.

    The answer I found is:
    It's your fault, nobody else is responsible for the situation you are in, but yourself, if you want to have a better life, go out there and get it.

    Not really something you want to hear when you are in the mood of "nothing makes any sense anymore", I hope I can make it clear to her in some way.
  4. justsomeguy

    justsomeguy Active Member

    K-LogZ, glad to see that you care about your sister.

    Firstly, I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. If I had all the answers I probably wouldn't be on suicide forum. lol

    Secondly, people that commit suicide talk about committing suicide or leave signs that they want to die; it's a pretty well documented fact. I find it quite funny that you would assume that finding a suicide note is just a cry for attention. What other signs are looking for?

    Thirdly, don't assume you know what's going on her life to cause her feelings. I mean, are you a mind reader?

    Finally, get off your high horse. Making statements like "with the standard sentences like: "It doesn't make any sense anymore" and the like." makes me think that you're probably a know-it-all. If you know the "standard sentences" of a suicide note and don't believe her suicide note to be true then what the fuck are you doing on this forum?
  5. Darkness N Light

    Darkness N Light Staff Alumni

    K Logz,
    Hello and welcome to the forum. I am glad that you decided to come here to get some help. First of all like justsomeguy I would say that she could be serious about wanting to kill herself. Yes, she may have left a suicide note in a visible place but that does not mean that she is just wanting attention. It could be a cry for help and she wanted someone to see it to help her. I would not assume that you know what is wrong with her. I would flat out ask her what is the matter with her and not just assume that you know. Take care and I love you. :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss :hug: :cheekkiss

    With Love,
    Crystal :hug: :cheekkiss
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    She can be serious about ending her life. Even thought you say you have been through what she is, that does not mean you know how she feels. People react differently to the same situations. What barely effects you may have a deep down longlasting effect on her. The letter may very well be her way of saying she needs help. You should never discount anyone that says they are suicidal.
  7. K-LogZ

    K-LogZ New Member

    Thanks for the various answers.

    I am taking this serious, this is why I post, I just don't think she is suicidal right now, whatever.

    And no - I am no "Know it all" which is why I post here in the first place.

    Follow up Question:
    As I am not at home anymore, and only visit my family infrequently, would it be ok to talk over the phone, or is this something that has to be done personal, so I can look out for her if the conversation triggers something ?
  8. justsomeguy

    justsomeguy Active Member


    I didn't mean to be a dick. I guess I was in a bad mood when I posted yesterday. I'm sorry.

    I'm almost twice your sisters age and it really saddens me to think that she has lost hope at such a young age.

    The reality is that there is no single perfect solution to dealing with someone who is depressed and possibly suicidal. I guess the only thing I can offer you is my personal experience as I've been hiding my suicidal thoughts for years.

    I know you've said you're sister is only 15 and she's into emo stuff but if I were you I would take what she's written seriously. I mean, I've never been into emo, nor does anyone consider me to be weird, and if I killed myself it would be a shock to everyone that knows me, but I've lived years with these feelings.

    I guess the thing is; what may seem like a small problem to you, might be enormous to her. If you can't be there in person, then by all means use emails, text messages or phone calls to let her know you're there for her. To be perfectly honest, I've had people call me when I've been thinking of tying a rock to my neck and jumping in a lake, and just their stupid phone call to talk about nothing changed the course of my life.

    With that said, there's only so much you can do. For your own sake I hope you realize this fact. No matter how badly you want to help someone, you can't help them if they don't want to help themselves.

    I don't know how close you are to your sister, but it's obvious that you genuinely care for her, so asking her flat out about the note you found sounds reasonable. One thing I wouldn't do is to insinuate in any way that her feelings are stupid.

    If I were you I'd take a real passive approach. Ask questions but don't interrogate, give your opinions, but becareful not to play the father-knows-best role and just listen and support her. Really try to put yourself in her shoes and understand what she's feeling and why she's feeling it.

    Also, be specific and clear about why you love her and how she improves the quality of your life. I think there are a lot of people out there that haven't killed themselves simply because they don't want to cause pain to the people they love.

    Anyways, I hope some of this helps you.
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