I am confused

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Constantinos, Apr 21, 2014.

  1. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Hello everyone,

    Its been a long time for me to visit this forum, last time it helped me a lot and thank you to everyone.

    So its now, today, exactly 4 months that i am in a relationship with a very beautiful girlfriend that i love a lot and i show my love all the ways i can. Last month for her birthday i took her out to a romantic restaurant and i surprised her with a Minion birthday cake that she didn't expect and i also gave her a watch as a present, she liked both a lot :)

    My girlfriend generally is the type that she won't easily show her feelings and emotionally, this makes it difficult for me but i am trying to cope and concentrate on small things that she does for me and just stand on those small things and i try to keep them and remember them.

    Last Saturday [12th] she asked a another man about the time of a football match, this man is an EX-boyfriend. I am fine with her talking to him, so she asked him what time is it and he provided the information.

    Then he tells him:
    She: Thank you my messenger.
    He: No problems, i just want 2 kisses
    She: One kiss is enough

    So obviously that conversation was something i didn't like, this conversation was made in front of me. I discussed it with her but she did not admit doing anything wrong, she says its meant friendly but my question how do i know he meant it friendly? One of her closest and best friends also had a bad argument with my girlfriend regarding this issue and they are no longer friends due to this issue as her friend finds that this is completely wrong.

    The next day she also sent a kiss via facebook to the same guy despite spending Saturday and Sunday talking about this issue.

    On Saturday evening she said "You are the only guy that i want" and gave a big kiss. I am trying to put what happened behind in the past but i need advise am i doing the right thing?

    Over the week, it was Easter aswell, we met very few days with my girlfriend and we met only after me pressurizing too much and reaching my personal limits about pressurizing, i don't like to pressurize someone so much, she was all the time trying to find excuses that she is tired, that she also has her job and we don't have enough time, that she doesn't have petrol, that there is a lot of traffic.
    With each excuse i found a solution:
    No petrol > ok i come and bring you
    Too tired > ok i come home and bring you
    Job > it doesn't matter we'll meet for as much time as we can
    Traffic > ok i'll show another route with no traffic

    At the end we met up on Thursday and Friday for 2 or so hours and we met on Sunday [yesterday] aswell at 10pm after me trying to get her to meet up for 4 hours.

    My girlfriend doesn't share her bad times, whenever she doesn't feel well i learn about it from her facebook and when i ask her about it she doesn't really want to share things with me and i am having a difficult time. She seems that she only wants me to know about her good times.

    My girlfriend also generally changes her mind easily, today she wants to be with me and maybe tomorrow she'll start re-thinking and say to me i want to seperate without anything happening before and then i'll send her some good things that i love her that i need her and she'll be fine until next time.

    I have a great amount of patience generally, i love her a lot.

    Unfortunately this instability caused me to be forced to quit my job last month, i did find a new job to make a new start. What basically happened was that my girlfriend didn't like my times of work i worked 4pm - 12:30am midnight - i know i understand not a good schedule but unfortunately this is what i have. Now i have a new job and schedule is 3pm - 12am still my girlfriend isn't happy because she wants me to work for example 9am - 5pm or something similar as she wants the nights to be free. This is mounting an extreme amount of pressure to me and i have no idea what to do, some days i think i should just quit my job and not find a new one as i can't withstand the pressure anymore its damaging me and i am loosing my patience more easily now.

    Yesterday she told me that i am not ready to have a relationship, but then she showed a lot of emotions and feelings with me and a lot of kisses etc so i have no idea what and how she meant it. She also said she will make me the perfect man for her, is that good or bad? Also yesterday we went to the cinema together and she kissed me in the public, something she doesn't really do usually.

    Right now i am feeling hopeless with negative thoughts coming to my mind, i don't really know if she wants me if she wants to be with me i don't know what i am doing with her and how i should be. I am thinking of suicide, i am loosing my hope my patience and i have no idea what to do.

    I should also mention that i am thinking of moving apartments to be opposite her work, is this a wise move or am i rushing and i should wait more or should i proceed and see how and if things will change?

    I hope i explained my situation well :( i do feel desperate with many thoughts passing my mind.
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Ok, lets take the first bit.
    She had that whole conversation, with the other guy, in front of you; so I doubt very much that there is anything to be concerned about there.
    People cheating do it on the sly, not in your face.

    As to the pressurizing (and yes, if that was me I'd feel pressurized), ease off a bit; just because she might want some "me" time, doesn't mean she doesn't like you any more.

    As to the job, do what is best for you and explain that, at the moment, this is the only job/hours etc. that suits you.
    Don't let her dictate your life style, she wouldn't like it if you did it to her.

    4 months, is too early in a relationship to get so heavy and I certainly wouldn't move to an apartment opposite her work, you could make her feel like you are stalking her.

    Ease off and let the relationship develop under it's own steam, pushing things all the time will make her run for the hills.

    Hope it all works out :)
  3. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Hello guys,

    First thanks for your support, i couldn't reply as my girlfriend monitors me and whatever i do...

    I feel the need to vent so i do apologize in advance :( - and i apologize even if anything i write doesn't make sense forgive me.

    Some weeks ago i noticed a notable difference in the behaviour in my girlfriend, we were always calling each other after she finished her work and before she went to her work and suddenly this stopped and she was calling me 2 hours or even 3 hours after, this raised concerns to myself.

    I should say that i am an overly nice person, i never put any limits to my girlfriends and i always hope that they RESPECT me and the relationship. I believe that a relationship has three core values: Honesty, Trust, Respect.

    This difference on her behaviour started the day after she wanted to find out if her ex-boyfriend still leaves in his old house.

    At some stage, one of the nights she delayed to call after she left work i did a small research and caught her car coming from a different direction to my house and not from her work, this raised suspicions. I hate being disrespected so i called up one of my friends (which is a psychologist) and we agreed that she would monitor my girlfriend a bit as i wanted to find out if my girlfriend and my friend wanted to protect me was just doing whatever she is doing for fun (yes my girlfriend has major depression, she has borderline personality disorder aswell though she is not aware of this and refuses anything) [i was severely abused in my childhood and my friend wanted to avoid more abuse] .

    Last Saturday, end of June, she had a hens night. She had a hens night where my girlfriend emotionally made me feel very bad. So myself and my friend monitored her for the full duration of the hens night - from around 9pm until around 5am - all was cool nothing really happened.

    Yesterday she had a wedding, however my girlfriend said after that she would go "somewhere" - when asked where she refused to answer. So myself and my friend again went onto another mission, from around 10:30pm until around 4am. THERE AND THEN we found out something that neither of us could believe, she went to the wedding THEN she went to a club/bar.

    She got a drunk and she was flirting with guys, she was cheering with guys - and many more things of which i will not mention but you can all understand what this many more things are... I feel disgraced and disrespected. My friend told at some stage that she couldn't handle seeing what was happening and she said that i need to go in and confront her there in the public, i couldn't do this though i know i should have done this.

    Anyway i chose another way, i sent her a message and asked her: "who is the bar man there", she answered that she didn't know and she asked why do i ask after around 30 minutes. I answered that i asked because the bar man is a brother of a friend of mine [this wasn't true but i needed to stress her etc]. I told her, does the barman have a beard? she said yes. I said ok its him probably, cool i told her. She asked me: is he single and at that time i answered her i do not know if he is or not, i'll ask him tomorrow i told her.

    AFTER that conversation around 10 minutes herself and her friends all left this club/bar. I went back home as she was going to come home supposedly. She came home, she didn't come upstairs she left directly for her house. She called me, she was furious, she was drunk and this was noticeable, and she said "you destroyed my night", she then said " i do not want to talk to you today" and she hung up.

    Anyway this is the end of the relationship, there is no other chance - already i gave her god knows how many chances. There comes a point where enough is enough.

    Anyway this is just a rant, i needed to go get things out of me as psychologically i am not well.

    I woke up after a saw a dream, the only thing i remember is that the dream ended with my girlfriend driving her car and parking it somewhere as i could her the noise the parking sensor does.