I am dead

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sara_g, Jan 19, 2010.

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  1. sara_g

    sara_g New Member

    I never thought I would get to this stage of clear thought and understanding of myself. I have attempted before but it was always clouded by emotions. I know I cannot take another hurdle in my life and the only way to stop the recurring day is to find a way to die early. We all die and it is just that i need to die early. I dont want saving and have made a decision. To talk only gives other people suffering. But to write gives clarification of the rules and makes that line be crossed over. I dont want pity or caring. It is not a bad thing i do as it is me that will do it and no one else. :poo:
  2. Robin

    Robin Guest

    I do not know what your story is but I do know drawing a line in the sand is to declare a challenge, either to yourself or others, when such a line is drawn, is is done so because they would prefer the not to have it crossed or fear that it will be crossed.

    Neither is good reason to set a challenge.

    There are challenges you can make to your own logic though, challenges that sift out the logical from the madness that many of us here have experienced to either a greater or lesser degree.

    Will this even be a worry in 10 years time?

    What's the worst that can happen?

    For the life of me I can't think of the 3rd filter, d'oh, but we can discuss it here and if it comes back to me I will post it :) :hug:
  3. sara_g

    sara_g New Member

    Yes it made me smile. the third , yes the third.

    I have had people burn, hit , kick , abuse me as a child . As an adult i have had one trauma after another . Too many operations. Something keeps me alive and making me suffer. Was I such a bad person in my life before now? There must be a reason for so much pain. I have the answers in my hands and it is the day to cross the line. I did make a challenge and that was to break the cycle.
  4. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    hey :hug: welcome to the forum

    you sound a wise but tired person sweet... it sounds very glib but pain can make a person stronger in the end. if you are able take the suicide / dath question out of your mind and see if you can think of anything that might make you life easier - a way to break that cycle. little things, one at a time. pain, mentally or physically is a terrible thing to the sufferer, but somehow we have to find ways to ease through that pain. see perhaps if you can paint a smaller picture rather than staring at the whole picture and work on little things at a time? :hug: im here if you need to chat :arms: ellie.x
  5. Robin

    Robin Guest

    That's quite interesting, the cycle thing, when I get ill, apart from looking for reasons why I'm the next coming, I get convinced that I am living my life over and over, the same life, and because even is tired of living their lives over and over again and have given up on me ever completing whatever it is I am supposed to do, they now spend eternity making sure every time I live it is in misery.

    I've met incredible friends on this site and heard many a story to curl your toes but practically the one thing that stands out in every story is the level of compassion those that tell them share with others here :)

    You will probably never find a great deal of compassion for yourself, maybe in time, with professional care and some caring friends you will learn enough to get by but I am betting that you are able to reach out to others and give them enough sunshine to make it through their twilight :)

    In the end, when the worst comes to the worst, helping others can help give us enough reason to carry on another day :)
  6. sara_g

    sara_g New Member

    Thanks for your support xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 19, 2010
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope you can have some compassion for you and to reach out and get the support and care you need and deserve sara You do not deserve any of this pain please change the cycle by getting the help needed to do so. take care.
  8. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    we all love you
  9. SGUK

    SGUK Account Closed

    Hi I am back from Hospital . I am Sara_g just couldnt get back on with my old user name. :sad:
    I was challenged by what you said and thought and thought of my daughter and family. After walking 15-20 miles i sat down and cried. I had planned so much but yet needed a way out and to not be anymore. So i called a crisis team and they told me to ring for an ambulance and off i went for 7 long days. I am out and slept so much but now feeling flat and confused. But came back to say that your words were there so ty.
  10. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am glad you got some help good for you for having the strength and courage to stay well. Keep reaching out here okay you will always have support here.
  11. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Oh Sara that was such a brave thing you did getting help....Well done..
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