I am done here

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jungle420, Nov 18, 2011.

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  1. Jungle420

    Jungle420 Banned Member

    Ok ive lived 21 years and i cannot take anymore. I am done here with this fucking bullshit life. Everyday i spend isolated completely alone devoid of any social contact, its a long story but i cannot deal with the loneliness anymore. I have no social life, and absolutely no outlet..and i never have and i just cannot deal with it anymore. I live with my parents and my mam doesn't give a fuck that i want to kill myself neither does my dad they seem happy when i mention it yet she is the only support i have, none at all. Tonight i am gone im going for a <Mod Edit:Inmemoryofyou:Methods> I have no reason to even leave the house let alone live. What is the point in life alone?. Ive done long enough here im not staying any longer. I hope i dont back out because i have no reason to return
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 18, 2011
  2. the_unknown

    the_unknown Banned Member

    Yo man I also have no social life and if you need someone to discuss how life sucks you can send me a message. We might benefit from talking about our problems. I know how being alone feels...

    And there are a whole lot of people here who are far better suited than me to help you.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You have done your first step on admitting you have a problem, now take a second step and do it person to person, ie: telephone, pick up the phone and call the samaritans. I too spent many years alone, isolated and withdrawn from the outside world so I do know how you're feeling, so if you want to talk, just drop me a message
    p.s please don't go through with your plan, its not worth it, you're only 21, you have so much to offer the world and you owe it to yourself to give yourself another chance in life. bless x
  4. Jungle420

    Jungle420 Banned Member

    Well I have been through it over and over. The cycle of loneliness depression anger frustration sleeping all day and it never ends. I dont have anything to base worth of my life on, not only do i have nobody but i have no job no transport no place of my own and nowhere to go. Theres only so much deprivation someone can take, ive been like this for years and everyday is the same with no letup. I was certain a few month ago that night was the night and i had my rope ready and everything, i wrote my note which was bland and pathetic and i never covered anything i really wanted to say. Now again this night i feel is the night im planning to do it in the next couple of hours. I know im not thinking straight because i contemplated going to the cinema in the same breath..well in my head. I dont know wtf im doing anymore. my mind is disorganised and fucked up. I just need one person in real life to understand and be there then i dont think id be doing what i contemplate tonight. my life is and has always been a mundane existence there is no sign of that ever changing, i dont know how to, i just need out
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You just need to take a step back from the big picture, take a breath and focus on what matters. You. Even in the deepest darkest winters there is always the warm light of summer that has kept generations of people going. So if you try a little bit in a positive direction for change and look for the good in what you do then you will find that things will happen, things will start to change, ive been there, the more positive you are, the more positivity you get back and try to surround yourself with people who are like minded.
  6. Jungle420

    Jungle420 Banned Member

    No I am done here. I have had enough. I went from bullying all my school life to a life without friends still at 21. I have no one to talk to every single day, its fucking me up, infact i already feel ive lost my sanity now so why wait till 25 or 30 for the chance i just may have one person in my life that cares about me and that I can at least talk to? its not going to happen since my social skills are non existent from spending too much time alone. Peoples reaction when you are suicidal atleast my parents is to avoid me more, i really dont get that. The only people/support i have and they dont give a fuck
  7. ZasuArt

    ZasuArt Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry you're suffering, Jungle :( I wish that I had the magic words to pull you out of your pain. All I can do is tell you that like so many of us here, I DO care and I hope you find the strength to survive despite all of the bullshit that makes it all seem pointless. You're not alone. Sending love, hugs and friendship. :console:
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'll share with you my story, it might help...

    I was raped at the age of 12, at age 14 I stopped leaving my house completely because of anxiety issues and lack of social skills, at age 18-19 I started going out again with the help of medication (anti depressants) and therapy. Have you considered that? Now at age 22, I'm living a somewhat normal life, I have a boyfriend(I met him in a psychiatric unit). But I've made friends and with ongoing support from my peers and doctors, I've transformed myself from a complete isolationist to a 'normal' person. My story just goes to show that it CAN be done.

    By the way, I have attempted suicide numerous times and nearly succeeded twice, trust me its not worth it.
  9. Severijn

    Severijn Well-Known Member

    Yes please Jungle420 hang on for a bit longer.

    There are many bad experiences in life that can drag you down and feel miserable. But there are also good experiences and solutions in life that make you feel much better. Maybe you haven't found or tried one of these solutions yet.

    Have you tried therapy yet with a very good qualified therapist?

    And have you tried reading self-improvement self-help books and put them into practice? It has worked for many people, and I see no reason why it can't help you.

    If you need to find a therapist, take a look here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html

    If you need to talk, you can do it here on this forum. You don't have to go here all your life of course, but it's a good place to vent and talk about your problems. You're young and your life can change.
  10. Jungle420

    Jungle420 Banned Member

    Hey all, well im still around..I broke down and cried instead.. like a baby and until i had a really bad headache. I just cannot control my emotion, this has happened so many times and its part of the cycle I go through. Nobody ever sees how distraught I am. I felt i wanted someone to atleast see me that upset just for once for some form of attention but i dont get it. That sounds so desperate and selfish but I cant help how I feel, I cant deny that because my emotions of loneliness are just too intense. Its at the point where it feels like everyday its persistent torture and that im surely losing my sanity from being alone with my own thoughts and voice in my head.

    My parents have been drinking themselves to a stupor and arguing as usual like they do every single weekend, this makes me 100times more depressed because they play depressing old music, the same music ive heard for years and years, and it adds to my suffering because ive heard it so much and yet i have no escape. I have to bear listening to them arguing while im going through my own emotional torture. I have no friends' houses to go to and nowhere to go to get away from it. So basically I have no outlet both day and night. I feel hopeless and desperate and I dont know how to change. I know ending it all isnt the answer, but i cannot help coming to that conclusion because i cannot see anyway to change anything in my life. Im not dumb yet I cannot work out what to do and that my parents always make the atmopsphere in the house extremely dull and depressing and never ever talk to me, they have nothing to say to me. I not only have no outlet or friends i go everyday without having anyone to speak to and so im stuck in my bedroom. All i have is my tv and ps3 so im holding onto that as my ownly entertainment and stimulation throughout the entire week, every week. Somethign had to change otherwise I will do something I ergret. I already know im spontaneous form living like this i will go top cut my wrist even though i stopped self harming a while ago and I will thin k about suicide for hours zoned oiut in my small existence. Nobody at all hasthe answer to hjelp me hjere they just say it will get better thats their best advice. Its not too far fetched to say i feel deprived of everything. The voices i hear in my head allday confirm this. I need some serious help

    @Inmemoryofyou, Im very sorry to hear your story, I know many people have gone through a whole lot worse than me, I never really know much to say when i feel so down myself and someoem else tells me their story It is great thogu to hear you have turned your life around, Thats ecactly what im craving to do, its in me and i can feel it but i cannot see how to make it happen. You asked have I tried anti depressants and therapy?. Well I had an episode 2 years ago and was put into a mental hospital for a few month, it was hell but from there i started receiving "uppoer" from numerous therapists that ame out like once a month or maybe once a fortnight if i felt suicidal. I recieved no help whatsoever from them, I just got a sort of non sympathetic approach, they hardly seemed to believe or understand anything I was going through. Now my fairly new therapist, which has been the worst one yet has Stopped comnig out...without my knowledge or lettign me know!!!. Their so called care servie is beyond a joke. I am however seeing a psychiatrist every fortnight for 1hours sessions. Hes app arently when he gets around to it going to try CBT with me, althouh the first two sessions he has just got an idea of my shitty life, so thasts a month gone with 2 hours of apparent "help". These people are fucking patheric, they are doing absoluitely nothing to help me all ive had ar forms to fill in like "rate your mood" They take the fucking piss. I need a REAL therapist someone that genuinely knows what they are takjkung about and can actually benefit me, I have no idea how to request someone that actually cares...

    @Severijn I definetely need some solution because im feeling the most desperate i think ican get, I feel completely emotionally exhausted I've lived like this long enough nand I amn just existing, not living in any sense. Ok enough of me saying how it is, I did try that website which sounds liek a very good idea beign able to choose a therapist like, but it doesn't cover my area.

    That is definetely what I need; a good therapist, or possibly a social worker..atleast someone that can give me some guidance!!!!?? because im totally lost here, and I don't know how much longer I can stick around.

    PS sorry for the length of this message maybe I went into too much detail
  11. cloudy

    cloudy Well-Known Member

    This may not sound like the best thing in the world but have you considered signing yourself into a hospital? You are stressed and the environment you're in is not good for you. Maybe you need to see your psychiatrist if you have one. Sit your parents down and tell them what is going on. I have felt seriously suicidal in the past week and almost went to the hospital myself. Its a hard feeling to get rid of. So I distracted myself and gave talking to someone a chance. You can change your situation.
  12. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    The fact that you are here, online even now, more than 2 months since your original posting leads me to believe that while you feel like that, you still find a reason each day to wake up and keep on living.
    Perhaps you should try and focus on those things instead of simply the negative to see you through the next bad day you have.
  13. Jungle420

    Jungle420 Banned Member

    Well I wasn't going to say but I was put in a mental hospital 2 years ago when i took an overdose but failed. Being in hospital isn't going to help me, it certainly never then. How can being in an environment much worse than my one at home help me in anyway? The problem is I have no outlet or escape, being in a jail like institution like the one I was in a couple year back is simply going to make me worse, it does not solve any of those issues
  14. Jungle420

    Jungle420 Banned Member

    I did used to appreciate the small things but come on there's only so long you can appreciate having good health at 21 or maybe the fact i have a games console and a computer, im fucking bored of what I have. That's all ive done for so long that they make me depressed. Being stuck in front of one or the other is a meaningless existence. It no longer serves any purpose. I probably sound like a pessimist by now but you get used to what you have, and if you have so little then I cant see how anyone at my age can be happy living like this. Don't get me wrong I am very grateful for what I have even if im not expressing that very well and I understand people literally have nothing in the world, I think about that alot although it doesn't help my own situation realising that.

    I have created my own jail cell now I cannot break out of it, I have no one around to help pull me together and I cant work it out on my own.
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