Everyone has moments they feel like giving up - even I.
Well - sometimes its a moment - for others days, weeks, months - whatever. But you had a 'dark night of the soul' as it were - probably sitting in alone thinking about stuff. This can be nice - if we are in a good mood - but if you have depression - well you got to really understand the process you have going on. I mean to say - you have to know how long it might take you for suicidal thoughts to become actions.
Talking to someone helps.
As for going to a psych hospital - I'd give a great deal of thought to that - as I know you very well - and your working - holding down a good job - independent. At the end of the day - IF you have some method lined up (and you do) then if its a choice of attempting - or going into a hospital - its a no brainier at that point. I mean to say - you'd have to choose the hospital if all other methods were exhausted.
It's painful to write this - because your my sponsor - we usually chat- but did not do so last night.
I had to mention that - hope you don't mind. Besides - things ought to be in the open. I just hope- as a sponsor - I'm doing all I can. You have helped me a lot - I got to say your bright, intelligent and don't belong in a psych ward IMO. But - like I say - if its a choice of an OD or a stay in a hospital - we'd all want each other to choose the hospital here - would we not?
So - I'm real upset to see you this way - hope its a hiccup (you had those before) and its lucky you can sleep on nights like last night - wake up - go to work - and so on.
Hope you are in better spirits when you read this.
You got a LOT to live for - people here would be shocked at how much you got! - but sure - success means nothing sometimes when we are down.
Either way - your a strong women - I think you will triumph in the end.
We all have bad days and nights.
I just kind of say nothing about mine - you are brave enough to shout it out - so thanks.
Hope the day is a nice one - your not often on this forum so - well - its hard to say "nice to see you" - I'd sooner see nobody here apart from a few mods and the owner - but that world is not ready for us yet!
Anyhow - you got my support - you know that.
Hope anyone else feeling this way can talk about it.
Well - I've had many many nights thinking the worse.
Usually worry myself to sleep.
It is an exhausting process thinking you want to die.
Usually we wake up - stumble - fall - walk on.
We focus on what is missing in our lives - but for me - little that I have - I'm grateful for being alive and having some HOPE - because without that - we might as well all pack our bags - turn off the lights - and everything we might have been - all we might have created - will not be.
Sometimes we want to kill ourselves to hurt others who have wronged us - but living will hurt them more - killing yourself will not affect those who do not care.
It only hurts those who love you and care for you.
It not picturesque - nor is an overdose actually liable to 'work' but there is a very good chance that the damage will make things far far worse.
I don't want to head in that direction - it is a dangerous road - and can create very real reasons to not be able to enjoy life.
Well - I know your in the same time zone as America - so you can chat to people if your up. I'm in England - but a night owl - soon to be a night owl studying - my excuse! Well - I'm always here - your a friend - and I don't care what time it is - if things are bad - I'm here for that sh**!
Lots of people have PM'd me - feeling suicidal - and they end up going to sleep - sometimes just shouting things out will let you know your not alone.
For us - this is important as in our 'real' lives - in reality - we do not open up in the office - pub or eating out with friends. We keep it in - and I'm NOT confessing my soul to anyone - its too big a deal to do that.
Well people here care - and I just hope your in a place now were you can see that.
Sleep is a great cure.
Well I always wake up wishing I was dead - but by afternoon - I'm feeling OK - just wish I could disappear! By dinner time I'm hungry - affirmation of life.
I'm not killing myself for people who made me angry.
I will piss them off - by living. I got options - we all got options but not on a dark night of the soul I guess - only the option to speak out - listen - choose to live.