Hey guys, I am new here. I just can't deal with this anymore. I can't stand... life. I have been so depressed lately, and usually when I am depressed I pull out of it, but this time it is different. I am seventeen years old and I am wondering why I am even alive. I feel like I am a waste of space... I am gay, not by choice, and I just don't see the point of living. I feel like everyone hates me, and I kind of hate myself right now. All I do not is lay in bed and try to sleep. And honestly, last night I was hoping that I would die in my sleep. I hope I die tonight too. It would be so much easier to die now than die later on... I would rather not wait for something that is going to happen. I hate this. Being gay absolutely sucks. If it were up to me I would be straight, but I was born like this and I can't help it. My parents are hard core christian conservatives and they hate homosexuals, so I have never told them... I never will. They always say things like "You need to know this for when you are married and have kids..." and I just want to scream at the top of my lungs that I would LOVE to have kids, I really would, but I am fricken gay. I feel so low right now. I have officially hit rock bottom. I am confused, I am lost, I don't know what to do. I don't think I can carry through with killing myself, and I probably won't. All I can do is hope that I get in a car accident, get diagnosed with some terminal illness, or get killed by some jerk for being gay... I just want to get out of this rut, and I don't know where to start.