I am drowning in doubt and self-hatred and I have no idea why

[DancesWithWhiskey]

Hello, I am very much struggling with hating myself and and doubt and dread of the future. I don't know why. There is good in my life and I am very, very grateful for all of it. I work hard at doing the best I can every day but I still hate myself. I have thought it over and over again and so far I still can't think of anything that I did that resulted in my self hatred. I don't know why I am feeling this way, but I would really like to stop feeling doubt and self-hatred. I feel so hopeless and afraid and I hate myself. I always feel like I am about cry.

I hope everyone is doing well. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this.

 

[PinkiePieInTheSky]

Have you tried visiting a counselor? Or just talking out what you are feeling with a friend?

 

[total eclipse]

self hatred hard one i do hope you find the root cause of it welcome to sf hopefully by being here you can talk to others that can help you hugs

 

[DancesWithWhiskey]

Thank you, yes I am actively seeking out counseling now. I did have a fantastic counselor before, but the counselor moved and at that time I was ready for that closure. I was ready to go without it then but now some time has passed and situations changed and I am making appointments to go back to counseling. I am just scared about starting therapy over again and afraid to trust someone new. I'm scared that the therapist isn't going to help as good as the previous one and it's so hard to open up to another professional again. I am going to see a therapist, I am just scared about it too. And with talking to friends and family I am scared of how they will judge me if I open up to them. I don't know how they would react and I have been a little emotionally fragile lately so it gets a little overwhelming.

 

[DancesWithWhiskey]

Thank you, everyone has been so kind and it helps more than I can put into words.

 

[youRprecious!]

Hi DWW - I do understand your feelings, totally. Welcome to SF where we all try to help each other and give support and encouragement, and where we find insights to help us through and to medicate the thoughts that can drag us down so. There is always a new truth to be found that can do things at a deeper level - it's just a question of digging for it It's great that you have good in your life and that you are grateful for all of it - and this can be built on. Phases and feelings are part of life and we can always choose our attitude. Sometimes we can feel "violent towards ourselves" for reasons we don't readily understand or can admit to - but any steps taken towards self-awareness do eventually pay off because we discover they can be integrated. In this way, our negativity of the present can in fact be a fantastic opportunity presenting itself in disguise...... - I don't mean to be flippant here - but from experience know the journey is a real one which becomes part of our destiny

 

[PinkiePieInTheSky]

Good work on seeking counseling! It's very brave to be willing to open up about your pain

I grok your reasons for not telling friends and family. You don't have to tell them everything, but it'd probably be good to have a friend or two that know that you are going through a very hard time, in case you ever need someone to talk to immediately.

Remember: if it turns out that the counseling doesn't go well, you can quit that counselor and get a new one, etc until you find one that you feel comfortable with.

 

[DancesWithWhiskey]

Thank you so much. That was beautifully said I see truth in at already. You are not flippant at all, it's really good and I really appreciate this.

 

[DancesWithWhiskey]

Thank you so much. What you wrote was also beautiful and kind too. And that is a good point, and I can do that. Yeah you are right, that does help.

 

[DancesWithWhiskey]

Thank you everyone, this is all very helpful and so kind. Thank you!

 

[youRprecious!]

Great to hear that DWW, keep posting and joining in on here - helping others also helps ourselves

 

[Daphna]

Hello, I am very much struggling with hating myself and and doubt and dread of the future. I don't know why. There is good in my life and I am very, very grateful for all of it. I work hard at doing the best I can every day but I still hate myself. I have thought it over and over again and so far I still can't think of anything that I did that resulted in my self hatred. I don't know why I am feeling this way, but I would really like to stop feeling doubt and self-hatred. I feel so hopeless and afraid and I hate myself. I always feel like I am about cry.

I hope everyone is doing well. Thank you in advance for taking the time to read this.

I personally believe that those type of thoughts do not originate in our minds. Looking at them in this way helps me decide if I want to accept them or not. And I don't. Blessings...